Crossing It Off

It's one of those days.  The kind you would like to redo.

I woke up thinking.....I just can't.  Not today.  Please, I just want the mental and physical break.  Not today.

Then I looked at the clock.  What time would I have to leave to have enough time to get to the gym, swim 1250m and then change get on the spin bike early before class to get the 25 miles in.  That time was 7:30.  It was 6:15am.

I was out the door at 7:30.  Complaining, whining and swearing.  Pulled into the gym parking lot still complaining, whining and swearing.  Once inside I realized I forgot the water bottle in the car.  Damn.  I'll just buy an overpriced one after I swim.  

 Sitting at the edge of the lap pool I realize my swimsuit is on inside out.  Not really noticeable but still.  Really??  I jump in and crap, I left my Fitbit on my wrist.  Under it went.  Well I hope since it's shower proof it's also dunk proof.  

Today's swim 300 warm up, 16x50 w. 10 sec rest. and then a 150 cool down.  This seems like it is easy.  But really it's the type of swim if you push yourself, your swimming with lactic acid during a good portion of it.  I do see slight improvements in my speed.  A sec or two here and there.  Improvement is good, though I'm still considered a very slow triathlete swimmer.

After swimming I head to the locker room to change.  Grab my shoes.  Wait what?  Why did I bring my running shoes?  I'm biking not running.  Seriously what is wrong with me today?  Buy my expensive gym water and head to spin.  I'm 20 minutes early to get in 5 miles before class starts.  It's freezing and I'm wet and I'm still complaining, whining and swearing.  

I hate the instructor for Wed's class.  Ok, hate is a strong word.  I dislike her personality and the way she teaches class.  But I need to get the miles in.  So I go.  Best news of the day. Next wed is her last class.  YES!  Please give us back a better one.

You know when they say that once you start exercising you will feel better and be glad you did?  Doesn't always happen.  Today was a prime example. Other than being able to cross off my workouts on my training plan, nothing else felt very good about it.  

It's my recovery week.  I find that by the time you get to a recovery week you're toast.  Mental and physical capabilities are harder this week than others.  Your body screaming to slow down.  Take some time off.  I fight through it just like I fight though my daily anxiety. Not gonna lie today was tough.

Recovery week and I've done 6 workouts in 3 days.  It should now get a bit easier for the rest of the week.  A long run, long ride and a short run for the next three days.  

I've already run a bunch of errands for the day and there are no activities to attend or be a part of today so I'm done.  Phoning it in the rest of the day.  If you need me I'll be on the couch eating.

   

Week 7

Week 7~

 I'm tired.

 I'm not sleeping.

I want to eat all day.

Even going to the store seems like too much work.

I'm emotional.

On a 45 mile ride, I think there's no way to do another 70.3 IM let alone a full one.



Week7~

I haven't missed one workout so far.

I am injury free.

I can do in a day what some people do in a week

I'm dropping a few pounds.  Hope to drop a few more.

Soreness isn't slowing me down.



Based on the above...I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

I Have Changed

I've been contemplating whether or not to go back to blogging.  It's not like I have a big fan base or even a fan but sometimes I think it helps when the going gets tough.

It's been over two years since my last post.  I feel like I'm at confession.  So not my thing.

So much has happened in those two years.  For now though, I'll concentrate on myself.  For the last few years I have had a new battle to fight.  It's name is anxiety.  It can be a debilitating disease that will take over your whole life if you let it.  I admit I was close to letting it.  Not because I wanted to, but because no matter how hard I fought I couldn't seem to win.  I thought for awhile that I was going to be one of those agoraphobic women that lived a horrible life.

I have tried very hard, with everything in me to win this battle.  It's been over three years and I'm still trying.  What I have come to realize and accept is that I will always be trying.  I won't ever be without the anxiety.  There will always be certain things that will set it off.  But I've come a very very long way.  From barely leaving the house. To back on track with 1/2 Ironman training.  I have more good days than bad now which is huge!  Sometimes though I think those that know I struggle forget I have anxiety because I hide it so well.  This in turn makes things harder for me.  I don't want to come across as still a mess, but sometimes, yup I'm a mess.  Could be a mess that makes absolutely no sense.  But true anxiety and panic attacks don't make sense unless you are truly in a flight or fight scenario.  It's a mental battle every. single. day.

Nowadays, I'm an athlete with an anxiety disorder.  Training for my third 70.3 IM.

Blogging again about training I hope will keep me on track and motivated.

Ironman 70.3 Steelhead
August 10th 2014