I've been contemplating whether or not to go back to blogging. It's not like I have a big fan base or even a fan but sometimes I think it helps when the going gets tough.
It's been over two years since my last post. I feel like I'm at confession. So not my thing.
So much has happened in those two years. For now though, I'll concentrate on myself. For the last few years I have had a new battle to fight. It's name is anxiety. It can be a debilitating disease that will take over your whole life if you let it. I admit I was close to letting it. Not because I wanted to, but because no matter how hard I fought I couldn't seem to win. I thought for awhile that I was going to be one of those agoraphobic women that lived a horrible life.
I have tried very hard, with everything in me to win this battle. It's been over three years and I'm still trying. What I have come to realize and accept is that I will always be trying. I won't ever be without the anxiety. There will always be certain things that will set it off. But I've come a very very long way. From barely leaving the house. To back on track with 1/2 Ironman training. I have more good days than bad now which is huge! Sometimes though I think those that know I struggle forget I have anxiety because I hide it so well. This in turn makes things harder for me. I don't want to come across as still a mess, but sometimes, yup I'm a mess. Could be a mess that makes absolutely no sense. But true anxiety and panic attacks don't make sense unless you are truly in a flight or fight scenario. It's a mental battle every. single. day.
Nowadays, I'm an athlete with an anxiety disorder. Training for my third 70.3 IM.
Blogging again about training I hope will keep me on track and motivated.
Ironman 70.3 Steelhead
August 10th 2014
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