I have been training for races for the past 10 years. It hasn't been constant. But I think I'm safe in saying I have been on a training schedule at least twice a year for the past 10 years. Whether it was for a 1/2 marathon or a 1/2 Ironman I'd follow the words on the paper.
I don't always choose the same training plan. Different coaches have posted training plans online that I have tried. I have chosen the free basic plans and I have paid for training plans with slight more detail to them. What I haven't done is find myself a coach.
They are not cheap. And I feel like I'm not worthy enough to have a paid coach. Like shame on me for spending money on myself every month for something that I have done on my own in the past. But I'm struggling through this latest training segment. I see no light. I don't look forward to anything but the rest days and the moment I finish the workouts each day. It's hard. It's high volume. I don't remember it being this hard last time. I know I'm older but come on.
This week in particular, I'm having a very hard time. My lack of sleep is affecting my daily recovery. So my body is always fatigued instead of stronger each day. I'm fighting what I thought was a cold but I'm starting to think it's just another warning sign to slow down. Yesterday I shortened my run and my swim. Today I didn't make it on the treadmill until 1:45 which is a no no for me and stopped 5 times in the first and only mile.
Today I quit. Today I gave up. Today I lost the mental battle. Today I feel weak, slow, lazy. Today I feel like if someone knew I backed off yesterday and quit today they would look at me with pity. Today I question why am I doing this again. I've already proven that I can cross that line. Not once but twice.
I know why I'm doing it. Because I want to cross that full ironman finish line so badly and I know I have to first cross another line, stay in shape and continue training to the next level. That's why I'm where I'm at now. Week 10 of training.
So I sit here trying to decide what to do next. Do I just blow it off, tell myself that tomorrow's long ride will get me back in check? Do I start looking for a new training plan that is a bit easier? Do I take the next few days off totally and see what happens at my race on Sunday? Do I back way off the next 10 days and see if maybe I don't want this as bad as I thought?
Committing to a 1/2 Ironman is no joke. It's rough, tough and something almost no one does. I find that most people who aren't athletes or know of an athlete, which is most people, have no idea what a 1/2 Ironman is. When I tell them, their eyes widen. Mouth drops and they look utterly confused. Then once they understand what the race is, I get that look. It's the look I want. It's that look that makes me feel good. It's that look that makes it all worth it. The wow factor. It is what defines me. "She's the girl who can swim bike and run 70.3 miles."
That makes me smile. But do I always have to be that girl? It's what people know about me. Other than that, I'm a Mom and Wife. I don't work outside the home so triathlon is who I am. Maybe it's time to find a new focus. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. Bad week?
I think it's time to do a little digging. It's time for a revised training plan. It's time to back off just a little bit. Reevaluate my goals. I have to be careful though because I know if I let this bad feeling take over my Ironman dream may be gone.
You see when I see an Ironman my eyes widen, my mouth drops and I'm in awe. I want to be them. They have the "wow factor"
The question is what is the best way to get there? One mile at a time I guess. And today was literally one mile.
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