No Guarantee

It has a mind of it's own. It's frustrated, irritable, inflamed, anxious, tired and down right pissed off. It chooses when it feels like working and when it doesn't. It decides when it will make my life miserable for hours or when it runs out of energy it finally gives out.

I feel exactly the same way.

Frustrated in a way that I have never been.

Irritable enough that I hide from the family for their sake.

I'm always inflamed, too much running.

Anxious enough that I start to shake in my own skin when I think I can't make it through.

Tired like there is no end. No amount of rest has given me any energy.

I am beyond pissed off. I am mad at myself, my body and what control this has over my life.

I choose when I will workout and when I won't. But my "it" fights me every step of the way.

I decide to be miserable.

I decide to pass out when I just can't take anymore at the end of the day.


I am 39 years old.

I should not be taking this medication.

I am stuck with it for a month. Yes another month.

With no guarantee.

The doctor reviewed all my tests and cultures from the past 6 weeks. I had a bladder scan done. I sat and talked while he listened. I tried to hold the tears while telling him that it is affecting my daily life. He in return told me that because my initial infection was so bad and it took so long to get the right meds to take care if it that my bladder is all out of whack. It needs time to heal. To get it to heal it must be relaxed. Sounds like to me I need to take my bladder and go on vacation. However, that doesn't seem to be in the doctor's orders. Instead I am taking Toviaz. Once a day for a month. I have two doses and depending on how I do I can up the dose.

I will not see any improvement for at least a week. So another week I go dealing with my nasty organ. This has to work.