Randomness

I've had a lot of things floating around in my head in the last 24 hours. Some good, some not so good. So without any regard to order or preference I feel the need to share my thoughts.

My shin. I hate the fact that I am permanently injured. But I learned something from yesterdays 10 miler. I made a point of wearing my compression socks for days before. I iced a few times before. On the day of the race I was meticulous with my keniso tape and duck tape. I wore "tight" tights. I wore my compression socks again all day yesterday after the race. I waited all night for the pain to hit. For the ache in the bone. Instead my knees and thighs ached. Damn hills. But my shin, no worse for wear. Today it is just as it always is. I need to make a point of caring for my shin like that always not just before a race. I was able to hold off anymore damage that the hills and trail could of created. Now the blood blisters on the balls of my feet are another thing!


My family. I have a wonderful family. I sat on the couch last night and looked down the line. Next to me was my 11 year old baby. Then his older and much wiser (so he thinks) brother. Next to him was Chole all snuggled on a blanket with her head propt on a pillow. Then my husband stretch out on the end with tired eyes waiting for the phone to ring. I realized at that moment how good we have it. All of us together. Some watching TV, some playing with Ipods and some just in a daze. We support each other. We are always there for each other. We laugh together, we cry together. When one is sick the others step it up to help. There is respect and love. We can still all snuggle on the couch together and enjoy each other. It's come to my attention that a lot of families don't work this way. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. My family when I was young wasn't like that. I know a lot of families that have an awful lot of turmoil going on everyday. Right now both our extended families are struggling with huge problems. Problems that can and will affect all of us. Guilt sets in as we are between 10-13 hours away from the extended family. There is only so much we can do to help. But even though we are far away it affects us dramatically. It changes the way you think. How you feel. How you choose to live your own life. I choose to sit on the couch and giggle and snuggle with my family. I will do everything in my power to hold on to what my family has. My extended family, well I'm here for you too. But you only get a part of me. I will do what I can. I will do all that I can. But not at the sacrifice of my children or my husband.

My on going UTI. I'm now on my 5th antibiotic that I don't think is doing much of anything. I'm on a mission to figure this out. I came to a conclusion this morning. I have been thinking a lot of my symptoms are anxiety related. I had the UTI for quite awhile and it caused a lot of pain and worry especially when I was out of the house. Now they say the UTi is gone. Yet I still have symptoms. Well I went shopping yesterday and was miserable. Couldn't get out of the store fast enough. I felt like I would just pee in my pants right there in front of everyone. Anxiety right? Well that's what I thought. But for awhile now I have been noticing that if I have to truly go, I do and then it seems to act up. So the mere fact that I go before I leave the house maybe triggering the symptoms with the anxiety. I proved that theory this morning. When I exercise my body functions shut off for the most part. The feeling of needing to go to the bathroom goes away within about 20 mins of hard exercise. This has always been the case for me. So I headed to the gym this morning to take spin class. Sure enough I used the bathroom twice before it started and was in pain for 20 mins. Then it subsided. Finished class and now decided to test my theory. I passed the bathroom even though I could of gone. Grabbed my stuff and headed back to the store. Not only did I shop I only had a twinge or two of the need to go. Which after drinking 20oz of water in class and a protein smoothie doesn't surprise me. I was there probably about 30 mins. Not really sure. I left with a smile on my face. Bingo. It's not anxiety. My body was still shut down from class. Takes about an hour or so before I get all the organs working properly again. I've determined the mere fact of going to the bathroom can cause all the symptoms to hit and hit hard. The more I go the worse it gets. Did some research on this and came up with a few possibilities. We'll see what happens this week.

While at the store I did the unthinkable. I bought yogurt. Not for the kids or husband but for me. Greek yogurt. I hate yogurt. Makes me gag. But Greek yogurt is supposed to be so good for you I thought I would give it another try. I'm trying to come up with healthy alternatives to my binge eating in the afternoon. Will Greek yogurt be my answer?

It's Monday and all I know is last week was miserable. I'm hoping this week is better. Chances are with the family drama it's not going to be. It will be mentally challenging for myself and my husband. But we'll be there for each other. We always are.