Questions

I think I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.  What did I get myself into?  In two weeks I have my first triathlon of the season.  It's after that race that I'm worried.  I have a race every month with the exception of June for basically the rest of the year.  I have some very difficult training and racing ahead of me. 

Today I barely gutted out a 5.5 mile run.  I mean barely.  I stopped to many times to count.  Ate two, yes two packs of beans and nothing would help me feel smooth.  I got two side stitches.  My heart rate was a tad high but still in zone 2 yet I felt like I just couldn't do it.  I slowed down.  Shuffling along felt just as difficult if not more so until I picked it up again and realized nope 10:40 minute miles would have to do for the rest of the run.  Three tenths of a mile after that I stopped.  I quit. 

Now for the past hour I have thought about what I did.  Did I quit and give up?  Or did I listen to by body and give it the rest it needs?  Did I just make next weeks 8.4 mile run that much harder?  Maybe I should change my long run day?  After having 10 workouts in 5 days then having to run long on Sat maybe isn't smart.  But is it?  Running on tired legs and body is exactly what you have to learn to do for racing. I haven't slept well or at all for 4 nights this week.  Did that have something to do with it?  Dinner last night was fish fry.  YUCK.  Nothing healthy, all fried.  I came home last night feeling like I had a brick in my stomach.  I'm on this new medication.  Is it affecting me enough that I should stop taking it?  So many questions. 

I have been struggling with the running lately.  It now has become the hardest of the three sports for me right now.  Funny as that is how I started this athlete life of mine.  Each run no matter how long or short seems harder than it should be.  I can't tell you the last time I had a truly easy run.  This worries me as I might have bit off more than I can chew.  Two 1/2 marathons, a marathon, and a 1/2 ironman demands a relentless number of miles on foot during training. 

That anxiety is stirring inside as I sit here.  I feel it.  The tightening of the chest.  The strong breathing.  How on earth if I can't even go out to dinner with out feeling like I'm about to explode can I get through all these races?  Maybe it's just a bad day.  Maybe a bad week.  

Maybe I can just pretend today's run never happened.  Tomorrow is a rest day.  I need to truly make it a rest day.  Not only for my body but my mind.  I need to not think, to not get anxious.  Is that even possible?