Look Out

My knees ache.

They have been aching for days. I have figured out that it's the Toviaz that is causing the joint pain. Well that puts me in a no win situation. I need the medication but I have to run a ridiculous amount of miles this weekend. They ache enough that they wake me up at night. I guess I'm going to hope I can handle the pain. Tylenol will become my best friend.

My head is spinning.

I haven't really grasped the concept of the races yet. I'm still focused on getting to FL. My mind is roller coasting, which by the way is exhausting. I have all these plans. Expos, Races, parks, dinners and yet I'm not sure how I'll even get there. Guaranteed there will be many panic attacks. I'll just have to ride the wave I guess. I will need every member of my family to be patient. I will need them to stop when I can't move. I will need them to distract me when possible. I will need them to not get upset with me. I will need them to tell me everything is going to be ok. You are doing great. You will make it. Funny that's the same things I want to hear when I'm racing. It's irrational what I go through. I know that. But I have yet to beat this disorder. I long for the day that I leave the house and have absolutely no anxiety.

What a week it will be. There will be highs and lows. Smiles and Laughter. Tears of joy and tears of pain. Nervousness and trepidation.

I have so much ahead of me. So much so that I could say, "No, I can't do it." It will be too much of an emotional toll on my mind and body. But if I said that the disorder will win. I can't let it. I have to fight this.

Look out Disney , here I come.