My Race

With Christmas behind me I was hoping for improvement with the anxiety.

Nothing has changed.

It still lingers deep within. It chooses to rear it's ugly head in the most inconvenient times. Like the middle of the grocery isle. When I'm trying to find the cereal I so badly need yet I become paralyzed with pain in my back and hips as my bladder spasms out of control. If I dare move or release some of the tension down below I may erupt with a full on waterfall down isle 10. Just taking a step while tensing up every muscle in the lower body is difficult. Within minutes everything aches. It continues to ache for hours later even after the anxiety is decreased. Last time I went to the grocery store I did much better. Why then today was it as bad as it was in the beginning? Why?

I leave in a week for Disney. Let me say that again. I leave in a week for Disney. I ran 4 miles yesterday and struggled. My breathing labored, my knees sore, my shin acting up, my back aching. This stress has most definitely affected my running. I'm heavier and slower. Stress and more stress. But I'll tell you what I will be on that plane. I will go to Disney. I may have a full on panic attack and I may truly have that waterfall experience happen. But I will not let the family, especially my children down. All I care about right now is getting there. I don't care about the race or what I do or not do when I'm there. If I get to all the parks or none. I don't care. Just get me from Illinois to Florida and I'll declare a victory. That will be my race.