OK

Let me start with the bad news.......like I haven't had enough since I turned 40.

My race year is over.  I will not be doing the Chicago Tri, Chicago 1/2 marathon or the Chicago Marathon.

It was a given that the Marathon was out with a stress fracture and all.  I was hoping to hobble through the 1/2 and seeing that the Tri only had a 6 mile run I thought I would be able to do it even with the bad pain.

Then I lost my grandfather.

Everything changed. 

Preferably you are physically ready to race when you hit the start line.  For me I seem to be more injured than not.  But it's never stopped me.  What's more important is that you are mentally ready to train and race.  I am no where near mentally ready to think about training again.  The loss of my Grandfather took that focus right out of me.  Right now I just feel like if I get through the day and do what I need to get done, without crying for the umpteenth time then I'm doing good.  Each day is getting better.  I just need more time. 

I plan on hitting the gym on Monday to start up again.  I haven't worked out since July 17th.  I have gained 8 pounds.  Yup 8.  The clothes are getting tight.  I eat like I am training.  Last week I went to the fair and had Ice cream and funnel cake for dinner.  I've done a lot of emotional eating lately.  Whether it be because my leg throbs or my heart throbs I run to the carbs. 

So the good news?  I'm OK.  I'm OK with not racing anymore this year.  I'm OK with gaining some weight, just as long as I put an end to it soon.  I'm OK with grieving and losing it here and there.  I'm OK with waiting for this leg to heal correctly so that I can bang out some miles by late Oct.  I'm OK with just swimming and biking for awhile.  I'm OK knowing that my grandfather lived a long life.  Longer than most.  He was well taken care of and he just closed his eyes and died.  Heart just stopped.  It could of been much much worse. 

I'm going to be okay.