My Race

With Christmas behind me I was hoping for improvement with the anxiety.

Nothing has changed.

It still lingers deep within. It chooses to rear it's ugly head in the most inconvenient times. Like the middle of the grocery isle. When I'm trying to find the cereal I so badly need yet I become paralyzed with pain in my back and hips as my bladder spasms out of control. If I dare move or release some of the tension down below I may erupt with a full on waterfall down isle 10. Just taking a step while tensing up every muscle in the lower body is difficult. Within minutes everything aches. It continues to ache for hours later even after the anxiety is decreased. Last time I went to the grocery store I did much better. Why then today was it as bad as it was in the beginning? Why?

I leave in a week for Disney. Let me say that again. I leave in a week for Disney. I ran 4 miles yesterday and struggled. My breathing labored, my knees sore, my shin acting up, my back aching. This stress has most definitely affected my running. I'm heavier and slower. Stress and more stress. But I'll tell you what I will be on that plane. I will go to Disney. I may have a full on panic attack and I may truly have that waterfall experience happen. But I will not let the family, especially my children down. All I care about right now is getting there. I don't care about the race or what I do or not do when I'm there. If I get to all the parks or none. I don't care. Just get me from Illinois to Florida and I'll declare a victory. That will be my race.

What Do You Think About Gum?

Here it is the eve of Christmas Eve and I'm still standing.

I've held two birthday gatherings for the kid and husband. I have all the Christmas presents bought, wrapped and ready to go under the tree. The cookies are made, the house is relatively clean. All the food is purchased for Christmas Eve dinner. The drinks are ready to be poured. Other than doing a lot of prep work today for dinner tomorrow I'm just about ready to call in a victory.

However there is no victory until about 11 pm Friday night. It's my favorite part of the whole month of December.

You would think it would be when my kids are opening presents Christmas morning. I love that part too but it doesn't make the top of the list. See I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself these past 6 weeks. I take care of everything that happens from Thanksgiving until Christmas. The only thing my husband needs to take care of is gifts for me and actually I picked up my "big gift" myself while I was at the gym one day. I do my best at making sure I do it all and do it well. This year was different. I had to accomplish all this while handling an anxiety disorder. Some days weren't bad, some days horrible. The past few days as I have been going out and getting stuff done it hasn't been too bad even with the ridiculous amount of people out shopping getting their stuff done. I've learned chewing gum like a cow helps. Please do not tell me to spit out my gum. It's actually keeping my body somewhat in check. Weird I know. But the mind has a funny way of working.

I wonder if it's wrong to chew gum at church? I did a test run at church last weekend to see if I would panic. Sure enough I did. I was prepared for it. The feeling of being trapped surrounded by people and have no control on when it would be over. Up down up down movement does me in. My goal was to make it to communion. I made it almost to communion before I bolted. My goal tomorrow night is the same make it to communion. It will be extremely tough. As we have to get there early to get a seat. The church will be packed and hot. I will be overloaded mentally. To the people sitting around me I apologize. I will be the one fidgeting in my seat like a 2 year old and chewing gym like a cow. I will do my best to get through it for my family. If I had a choice I wouldn't go. Does more harm than good really. I know pushing myself is important. But not important enough if I have a dinner to host afterwards. Having a panic attack is exhausting. It's like your body ran a marathon. I don't want to feel like I've been run over by a truck before the appetizers are on the table.

So back to why 11pm Christmas Eve is my most favorite Christmas time. The dinner is done the company gone. The dishes are clean. The presents put under the tree. The stockings are filled. I pour a glass of wine and sit. I sit and stare at the tree and think of all I accomplished in 6 weeks and how I made it through yet another year. This year I added an anxiety disorder to the mix. Making everything 100 times harder. The moment on the couch doesn't last long. Maybe 30 mins if I'm lucky. I'm usually too tired to sit there long. But it's my most favorite time. It's my gift. The feeling of accomplishment, the finish line. Hey, where's my metal?

Where Is My Light?

I sit here in bed having "Mommy Monday" with my youngest and a dog who is happily digging at the sheets.

I should be completely relaxed enjoying the time with them. But unfortunately I'm not, so says the itouch app. You place your finger on the screen and it tells you how you are feeling. The boy is relaxed. I got mixed emotions. Maybe it works as I've gone from smiling to crying and back in a matter of minutes.

My emotions are all over the place. With a drop of a hat I can have an anxiety attack. I can be talking about one thing while my mind is freaking out about something I'm going to have to do the next day, week or month. I am getting worse with the no light at the end of the tunnel feeling.

My husband made a comment about how he has only 3 weeks of running at freaking 4:00 am in the morning. He has a light at the end of the tunnel. All I could do is thinking about how I would give anything to have a 3 week tunnel. If I could set a date for this to be all over. But I can't.

I really don't know what to do. I've done so much research. I've learned a ton. I learned how to help with the attacks whether they are a panic attack or anxiety attack. How I make it totally go away is still up for grabs. I would never have guessed I'd be in this situation. I had no idea what people go through with this disorder before I myself had to deal with it. It's like childbirth. You just can't understand unless you've been there. I do my best to not let it affect my family. But it's starting to. I see it. I feel it. I'm starting to get the guilty feelings too. Just what I need. I think it's time to fill in the rest of the family on how bad it's getting. Acceptance is part of the process. I have this disorder and I have to deal with it. It may be temporary or a lifetime battle. It may get worse before it gets better.

Just the idea of going to the store, or even to pick up the kids is overwhelming at times. To think I have to get on a plane and go on vacation soon scares me to death. I know my thoughts are not rational. I know it's my mind controling my body and how it reacts to the anxiety. But I can't get passed it. I can't find the light.

If you see me burst into tears or start sweating or head to the bathroom for the 20th time in 20 mins. Please understand. I'm trying. I'm tring harder than ever to get passed this. I just wish I could see that light.

Tradition

Baking supplies for 100 dozen cookies............$150.00

Time it takes to make the cookies................32 hours

The smiles I get when friends and family eat the cookies..........priceless.

I've done it every year for the past 15 years. December not only means two birthdays and Christmas but about 4 days of baking. I started yesterday. I already have sores on my hands from trying to cut pan after pan of fudge. My back between my shoulder blades is killing me. My calves are rock hard. It's going to be a long 4 days.

I would take a guess that the pain in the back and calves aren't just from baking. Yesterday at my strength training class we were tested. Planks, sit ups and push ups. Then we worked out the rest of class. I did a plank for 15 mins. Avg for the class was 3.5mins. I then tried to do sit ups, ha, yeah right. After planking for 15 mins try doing sit ups. Charlie horses in both legs. Only got to 17 in a minute. Had to stop more than I was doing them. Push ups not too bad, got to 45 in a minute. It's obvious that the class has made me stronger. I'm surprised to admit that not only am I stronger but my shin is feeling much better. By this time I figured I would be hobbling around barely able to walk. Instead the pain is like a nagging twinge that shows up once in awhile. While running I feel it but forget about it after a few miles. That is a HUGE improvement. All because of this class. For that reason alone I signed up again for Feb and March. I'll decided after that if I will continue. By then 1/2 ironman training will be starting and it may just be too much to do.

I have a 5 miler on the schedule for today. Boy that's going to hurt. A 9 and 5 miler this weekend. Tuesday is the big day. My 20 miler. That following weekend a 10 miler. After getting through next weekend. Taper starts. Life should then slow down a bit.

Who am I kidding?

I've procrastinated enough this morning. It's almost 7am and I should of already had a batch of those yummy cookies in the oven.

Mental Struggles

It's been a battle of the mind. A struggle that I have never ever faced.

I wonder each day will I get better?
Will I be able to get past this?
Will it get worse?
Why is this happening to me?

I've watched the discovery health channel and I've seen the people that deal with anxiety and panic disorder albeit at a much greater extreme. But I wonder will that be me? If it does become me will my family and my husband stick by me to get me past it? Everyday is a struggle right now. A war going on in my head. Just about every minute of my day. I'm not only physically exhausted from training but mentally exhausted.

This disorder has come from a not so simple UTI infection. I spent weeks in pain and had trouble leaving the house because I was constantly in need of a bathroom. Now that the infection is gone and I am on medication to allow the bladder to heal you would think things would get easier. Nope. I now get extremely anxious when I leave the house and have had a few panic attacks while I'm out and about. What happens when you feel anxious or nervous about something? Most people feel the need to use the bathroom. Exactly what is happening to me. My bladder starts to spasm and I get so tense from waist down that everything aches. Can't move can't walk. I got lightheaded a few times and almost passed out right at the check out line. It has been absolutely awful.

I have cried.
I have cried a lot.

I started shying away from going out when I don't absolutely have to. I see myself hiding in the house all winter. This is not a good thing. I have things to do, places to go, a Goofy Challenge to run. How on earth will I be able to get through the next month?

I went to my regular doctor and cried to him too. He prescribed some medication to take on an as needed basis. I tried it a few days ago before going out to dinner. Made me tired and knocked off about 20% of the anxiety. Yesterday I tried again. 2 pills this time. Was wiped for about 2 hours. Then I headed out to do just two quick errands. I was about 40% better. When I got home it was the first time I felt a bit of hope in a long time.

I still have a long long way to go to get back to my old self. It's going to be a long long winter.

48 DAYS

So it's been awhile since I actually talked about training and how my newest challenge is going.

The Goofy challenge begins in 48 Days 12 hours and 25 mins. I thought about this fact as I ran 16 miles today. We have less than 2 months before I run 13.1 + 26.2 miles in two days. Right now I could handle running 20 without much issue. 26 is another story. Not to mention the 13 I have to run the day before.

In these next 48 days there will be only 6 more runs in the double digits. Another 6 runs of 8-9 miles. The rest about 5 milers. Doesn't seem like enough, does it? But I trust my training. I have used Hal Higdon's marathon training for all my marathons so far. I did choose to take the novice 1 schedule, which is the easiest, to tackle for the Goofy. A few reasons for this decision.

Time of year. I'll be spending a lot of time on the treadmill. I'll also be very busy with the holidays.

My shin. The least amount of running I do the better for my leg.

The fact that I still take spin class and strength train twice a week. I should be adding swimming in this section to, but I think I forgot how to swim.

I'm not doing the race for a PR. Though that would be nice.

A lot will happen in the next 48 days. Thanksgiving. In-Laws visiting for the week. Lots of shopping and wrapping. Decorating the house. About 100 dozen cookies to be made. My son's birthday, my husband's birthday. Christmas and finally New Years. I tend to get very overwhelmed every December.

So why not add the Goofy Challenge to the list right???

No Guarantee

It has a mind of it's own. It's frustrated, irritable, inflamed, anxious, tired and down right pissed off. It chooses when it feels like working and when it doesn't. It decides when it will make my life miserable for hours or when it runs out of energy it finally gives out.

I feel exactly the same way.

Frustrated in a way that I have never been.

Irritable enough that I hide from the family for their sake.

I'm always inflamed, too much running.

Anxious enough that I start to shake in my own skin when I think I can't make it through.

Tired like there is no end. No amount of rest has given me any energy.

I am beyond pissed off. I am mad at myself, my body and what control this has over my life.

I choose when I will workout and when I won't. But my "it" fights me every step of the way.

I decide to be miserable.

I decide to pass out when I just can't take anymore at the end of the day.


I am 39 years old.

I should not be taking this medication.

I am stuck with it for a month. Yes another month.

With no guarantee.

The doctor reviewed all my tests and cultures from the past 6 weeks. I had a bladder scan done. I sat and talked while he listened. I tried to hold the tears while telling him that it is affecting my daily life. He in return told me that because my initial infection was so bad and it took so long to get the right meds to take care if it that my bladder is all out of whack. It needs time to heal. To get it to heal it must be relaxed. Sounds like to me I need to take my bladder and go on vacation. However, that doesn't seem to be in the doctor's orders. Instead I am taking Toviaz. Once a day for a month. I have two doses and depending on how I do I can up the dose.

I will not see any improvement for at least a week. So another week I go dealing with my nasty organ. This has to work.

Randomness

I've had a lot of things floating around in my head in the last 24 hours. Some good, some not so good. So without any regard to order or preference I feel the need to share my thoughts.

My shin. I hate the fact that I am permanently injured. But I learned something from yesterdays 10 miler. I made a point of wearing my compression socks for days before. I iced a few times before. On the day of the race I was meticulous with my keniso tape and duck tape. I wore "tight" tights. I wore my compression socks again all day yesterday after the race. I waited all night for the pain to hit. For the ache in the bone. Instead my knees and thighs ached. Damn hills. But my shin, no worse for wear. Today it is just as it always is. I need to make a point of caring for my shin like that always not just before a race. I was able to hold off anymore damage that the hills and trail could of created. Now the blood blisters on the balls of my feet are another thing!


My family. I have a wonderful family. I sat on the couch last night and looked down the line. Next to me was my 11 year old baby. Then his older and much wiser (so he thinks) brother. Next to him was Chole all snuggled on a blanket with her head propt on a pillow. Then my husband stretch out on the end with tired eyes waiting for the phone to ring. I realized at that moment how good we have it. All of us together. Some watching TV, some playing with Ipods and some just in a daze. We support each other. We are always there for each other. We laugh together, we cry together. When one is sick the others step it up to help. There is respect and love. We can still all snuggle on the couch together and enjoy each other. It's come to my attention that a lot of families don't work this way. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. My family when I was young wasn't like that. I know a lot of families that have an awful lot of turmoil going on everyday. Right now both our extended families are struggling with huge problems. Problems that can and will affect all of us. Guilt sets in as we are between 10-13 hours away from the extended family. There is only so much we can do to help. But even though we are far away it affects us dramatically. It changes the way you think. How you feel. How you choose to live your own life. I choose to sit on the couch and giggle and snuggle with my family. I will do everything in my power to hold on to what my family has. My extended family, well I'm here for you too. But you only get a part of me. I will do what I can. I will do all that I can. But not at the sacrifice of my children or my husband.

My on going UTI. I'm now on my 5th antibiotic that I don't think is doing much of anything. I'm on a mission to figure this out. I came to a conclusion this morning. I have been thinking a lot of my symptoms are anxiety related. I had the UTI for quite awhile and it caused a lot of pain and worry especially when I was out of the house. Now they say the UTi is gone. Yet I still have symptoms. Well I went shopping yesterday and was miserable. Couldn't get out of the store fast enough. I felt like I would just pee in my pants right there in front of everyone. Anxiety right? Well that's what I thought. But for awhile now I have been noticing that if I have to truly go, I do and then it seems to act up. So the mere fact that I go before I leave the house maybe triggering the symptoms with the anxiety. I proved that theory this morning. When I exercise my body functions shut off for the most part. The feeling of needing to go to the bathroom goes away within about 20 mins of hard exercise. This has always been the case for me. So I headed to the gym this morning to take spin class. Sure enough I used the bathroom twice before it started and was in pain for 20 mins. Then it subsided. Finished class and now decided to test my theory. I passed the bathroom even though I could of gone. Grabbed my stuff and headed back to the store. Not only did I shop I only had a twinge or two of the need to go. Which after drinking 20oz of water in class and a protein smoothie doesn't surprise me. I was there probably about 30 mins. Not really sure. I left with a smile on my face. Bingo. It's not anxiety. My body was still shut down from class. Takes about an hour or so before I get all the organs working properly again. I've determined the mere fact of going to the bathroom can cause all the symptoms to hit and hit hard. The more I go the worse it gets. Did some research on this and came up with a few possibilities. We'll see what happens this week.

While at the store I did the unthinkable. I bought yogurt. Not for the kids or husband but for me. Greek yogurt. I hate yogurt. Makes me gag. But Greek yogurt is supposed to be so good for you I thought I would give it another try. I'm trying to come up with healthy alternatives to my binge eating in the afternoon. Will Greek yogurt be my answer?

It's Monday and all I know is last week was miserable. I'm hoping this week is better. Chances are with the family drama it's not going to be. It will be mentally challenging for myself and my husband. But we'll be there for each other. We always are.

Northwest Trail Run Report

Today I tried something new.

Maybe not the smartest move but I'm all about pushing myself outside my not so large box.

For those that know me, know there are a few things about running I hate. I can handle the pain, speed and endurance. What I typically complain about is the WIND, HILLS and TRAILS. I can avoid two of these three pretty easily. The wind, well that's a toss up. Many of times I have chosen to run on the treadmill to avoid the wind.

So what did I do this morning? I ran a 10 mile trail run. Big deal right? I ran a 13.1 mile trail run for my 1/2 ironman. Well I realize that was a piece of cake compared to the one this morning.


About 300 runners gathered in a field waiting for the gun to go off. I had no idea which way to run or where we were headed. Just follow the crowds. Many of the runners were doing 5 miles. I'd say at least 2/3 of them. It was a 5 mile loop. My plan was to do at least the 5 miles then make a decision on whether to go for the second loop. Gun goes off we head to the opposite side of the field to a tiny opening in the brush. We come to a complete stop. Waiting for 300 of us to merge single file into the woods. Start running and stop 10 seconds later. Run again, stop again. Within .20 of a mile we were headed straight up. Damn that was a huge first hill. No way to pass people as the trail is too small. Not that I could have at this point anyway. I had Dave and my Dad right behind me for quite awhile. Our first mile was finished at a whopping speed of 12:30. Somehow I was going to have to figure out how to get past people without tripping on tree roots or rocks along the way.

I managed to pass about 10 people or so. Then it opened up just enough where two runners could run next to each other. With Dave still right behind me.........oh, wait he decides to pass me. Really? You just go ahead, I'll keep my eye on you. You won't get far. Let's just say the whole 5 mile loop was ridiculous. There was never a flat area to run. It was either a gradual uphill or a huge uphill. Or vice versa. At least 2-3 hills were so steep or so covered in leaves, roots, and rocks there was no way I could make it up running. I could walk faster than run it. I caught up with Dave on the largest hill. He kindly shared his water and I so kindly gave up my last Gu since he lost one of his. A short time later I stopped to retie my shoes. Well well there he goes again. Now in front of me. It stayed that way for another 1/2 mile or so then I caught up again on another hill and was able to hold pace as I pulled ahead. My father at this point is somewhere behind both of us. I begin to wonder if I should do the second loop. I signed up for 10 but I could stop at 5. The worst thing for my shin is hills and uneven terrain. But other than it being hard to run all the hills. I felt good. There wasn't any serious speed going on here so I wasn't spent yet. Dave caught up just as the decision was made.....turn left across the field yet again for loop two. Up down up down. Runners very sparse at this point. I made it my mission to focus on the runner ahead of me and pass them. I passed about 7 people. Only one passed me. I picked up my pace a bit during the tiny and twisted part of the trail. I lost Dave and was just running in the forest all on my own. It was the best part of the race. No one behind me or in front. Watching to make sure I made the right turns and watching my footing I was soon back on the larger path. Managed to pass a few more men and just kept going. This was the first race I'd wish I had my camera. Unless you have run these trails before you can't imagine how hilly they are.

As I made it up the last hill and turned left towards the finish line about 1/2 mile away I turned and looked behind me. Who do I see? Dave only about .10 of a mile behind. I'm impressed. At the same time I think crap keep going! I won't let him sneak up on me again. I pass my kids and Mooma who got to go to breakfast while we ran. Lucky them! I cross the line around 1:47. No results up yet. It was in no way speedy. But this was not a place to run fast. This is not how I train. This was extremely hard on the legs and come to find out the balls of my feet. I now have blisters under my callouses. Dave finished just a minute later and my Dad hanging in with a time just under 2 hours. Well done by all of us I must say.

And I will now admit. I still hate wind, hills and trails but overall I enjoyed this race. It was nice to do something totally different.

My box is now just a little bit bigger ;)

I'll Be Back

Well, well that three miler gone wrong, there was a reason for that. I found out yesterday why I felt so horrible the last few days.

To make a long story short only because I should be resting not blogging I had to go to the immediate care center not once but twice yesterday. After getting the kids off to school, which was a nightmare, I laid on the couch rocking not knowing what to do with myself. Even inch of my body hurt. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't form complete thoughts. I couldn't do anything. I had called the doctor the day before because I knew something was wrong. I thought that the infection I had been battling was traveling to my kidneys. They couldn't get me in the see the doctor until the following day at 11:15. I took it and hoped for the best. So now I lay on the couch and try and decide if I can wait that long. And honestly as much as I have always liked my doctor He really screwed up when he told me my original urine culture was fine. So off I went to the walk in. After a few hours, blood work and a CT contrast scan I was sent home. Knowing that my kidneys were fine and I may have a virus along with the UTI. Another option I might be having issues with the 3rd antibiotic I am on. However, I don't have a rash to support that theory so since it seems to be tackling the UTI well, unlike the other two meds, the Dr didn't want to change it.

My husband so nicely came home to take care of me. I had lunch and decided I sooooo needed a shower. I was loaded up on Tylenol so I felt like I could move without all the searing pain. To the shower I go. As I am in there I realize OMG I do have a rash. All over the front and back of me. Hundreds of red spots. They didn't itch. I wonder since I've really been out of it for a few days how long have I had this? I call the Dr I saw and he wanted me back in immediately. Of course when you having an allergic reaction breathing is always a concern. My chest a bit tight but nothing really I couldn't handle. Now ask me to run and there would of been no way. He confirmed that yes indeed I was allergic to the medication I had been taking for 6 days now. 6 DAYS. Little by little my body was reacting. Each day I would get worse. So he sent me home to take it easy. Will have the meds out of my system in about 1 1/2 days. IT's been almost 24 hours since I last took it and I can say I feel a thousand times better today. Sure I'm still sore and tired but nothing like yesterday. The Dr gave me my 4th antibiotic for my UTI which was finally starting to go away. He was certain though if I stopped taking any antibiotics it would be back with a vengeance. So another 7 days. He plans on calling me if any changes need to be made when he gets the third culture back.

Needless to say I am not running, swimming, biking or strength training this week. I already got an email from my trainer telling me she wants to talk to me about my chronic over training and immune system. Listen chick....I am not a chronic over trainer. I get plenty of rest between my training programs. And I already know what happens to the immune system when your training hard like for an Ironman or marathon. But it's what I do. I didn't get sick because of over training. I got sick because I got a stupid medicine resistant UTI and an allergic reaction. I don't need or want the lecture. She's working on my nerves. But I have to say she gives a great workout.

So I'm hoping by Sunday I'll get a much better 3 miler in than last Sunday and we'll take it from there. I'll just pretend like this missed training week never happened.

A Three Miler Gone Wrong

It was a pity fest.

It wasn't pretty.

I decided instead of running my little old three miles on the treadmill I would run with my husband outside. I didn't want to run. I didn't want to run outside. It was windy and wet, since it's been raining off and on for the second day in a row now. But I was struggling with the idea of getting it done today. So I thought best to run with him to break up the monotony of running alone all the time.

This in no way is about my husband. He did nothing wrong. He just ran. I on the other hand decided to go fast the first 1/2 mile. Like an interval. How long have I been running? On and off since I was 16. Where the hell was my warm-up? Like I said I didn't want to run today. So fast feet will get the run done quicker, right? Nope. I haven't checked the splits on the garmin but I believe the first mile was at about 8 mins. I got to 1.20 and had to stop. My nose running like crazy. Stupid. So tired of it running when I run. Blew my nose and started up again. Husband walked with me as I got that squared away. But I knew right then that this run would be one of my worst. My leg was aching. My hamstrings pulled so tight from 40lbs. dead lifts on Friday that every step felt shortened. My knees ached last night, why? Not sure. Could be the change in shoes I'm trying, could possibly be my back. My lower back on the sides have been aching when I run the past few times. Could be from a ton of core work that I did which I may not have supported my back right. Or chances are it is from my kidneys. Stupid UTI. So now we are at about 1.80 and I stop again. To blow my nose. AGAIN. I wave my husband on. I wave him again. He hesitates but decides to carry on. Good choice. You finally know when I say get away, you GET AWAY. If he hadn't who know what I would of said.

The pity fest starts. Damn nose, damn shin, damn back. WHY OH WHY CAN'T I RUN WITHOUT PAIN!! I watch my husband in front of me as I start running again. Crap he's doing an out and back. I don't want to run in that development again. I don't want to! But I do. I follow. I suffer. I stop again at about 2.4 miles to what? BLOW MY NOSE. What the hell? Why is it running so much today? Ok let's finish. It was by far the hardest run I have had in years. It was like I never ran before. First thing my husband says is that was fast. His Garmin (which is older and WRONG) said avg. pace was 8:58. Mine was 9:14. Ok so 9:14 isn't bad but the run itself was in no way smooth. Time to step up the pity fest.

I sat on our porch on the cold cement as my legs started to really ache from the top to the bottom. I put the water bottle on my back on both sides to get that area to calm down. I just sat. Stared and thought about Disney. Thought about how I'm tired. Thought about why do I do this? Then the ankle and shin started throbbing. How will I finish Disney if I can't do 3 without pain? It's not fair. This is not fair. Shorts are getting tight. 10 pounds of extra weight will do that to you. I'm miserable. I snip at my husband as he is waiting for me to go inside but doesn't say a thing. Smart man again.

I grab some ice and sit. Wrap the shin and let the tears flow, slowly so no one will notice. I feel them coming on stronger so I head to the bathroom where more flow. Pity fest completed. I get a sense of urgency. A sense of taking charge. I decide that this must stop. I need to get a grip and I need to do whatever I can to lessen the damage to my ego today. So what do I choose to do. Put myself in more pain.

I pulled out the FOAM ROLLER.

Chole was afraid of it.

So am I.

I took a deep breath and rolled my sore left leg. 2 inches down, 1 inch up, 2 inches down, 1 inch up. Over and over again. Now that was pain. I cried like a baby it hurt so bad. Well now maybe these tight IT bands could be an issue, ya think? Tears streaming down my face. My husband cringing at the sight of me. Chole pacing wondering if I was gonna die. I continued on and lasted about 10 mins through both IT bands, hamstrings, and calves. Then I got out my stick and worked the muscles some more. I now feel like I ran a marathon.

I made a promise to myself at the moment. This has got to stop. I need to do everything I can to keep my legs working properly. I will be rolling everyday now for awhile. I will get these 10 pounds off by Jan. I will ice my shin at least once a day. And I will get rid of this UTI that seems to have control over my body and now my mind. I will win this battle.

I have to.

Otherwise you are going to find me curled up in a pity ball on my bed. Quitting.

That is NOT an option.

Is She Worthy?

I find myself questioning my trainer.

This probably isn't a good thing.

She thinks I'm over training. Just because I'm training for the Goofy Challenge doesn't make her statement true. I do a lot less now than I was doing back in April-June.

She sat me down a few weeks ago and went through a day worth of eating I had done. Mind you she picked one day, not the whole 3 weeks I so carefully entered into the online program she has the class using. After that meeting I stopped logging my food. What a pain that is. Anyway, she says I'm not getting enough protein. Really? I had 43g of protein that day. 43 GRAMS! Usually it's a bit more. She does have a degree in nutrition and exercise so you would think she knows what she's talking about. I need more fiber, more protein, less junk, eat a ton more healthy food during the afternoon. She means like 2-3 lunch's. Eat eat eat was basically the gist of it. I do eat eat eat, just not always healthy. Hence the extra 10 pounds I'm carrying since IM training stopped.

I took a questionnaire that she gave to me to do that covers just about everything in your life. My "area of concern" as they so nicely put it was.

1. Stress/sleep
2. Glucose imbalance
3. Nutrient Deficiencies

I think I agree with those. Now pinpointing which exactly I am missing or what exactly my body needs gets a little tricky. There is a special swab and blood test that will tell me without a doubt everything you could want to know about my body. About 30 pages worth. Way more than a normal blood test that you would get with a physical. I'll find out exactly how healthy or not healthy I am. Kinda scary really.

My trainer is encouraging me to get the test done. Might as well as my insurance will cover it. If she can figure out how to get me to sleep well, I would be forever grateful and recommend that she get a raise. If she can figure out why I choose to eat junk every afternoon and better yet how to get me to stop, besides saying just stop. Kudos to her. If she can figure out how to give me more energy to get through the day and to not be so pessimistic than she is my hero.

Right now I question her. I'm watching her. She talks a good talk. But is it all talk? Can she really get my body working like a fine tuned machine. If she can, then I see a full Ironman by the year 2013.

To be a kid again.

I had to put this in my blog. It's too good not to share it. Thank you Tea for making me remember what it's like to love to run!


Swimming, Cycling & Running....with Altitude: When did running become bad?: "When I was a kid, I couldn't sit through dinner without being told 'you can't go back outside until you eat your dinner.' Everyone in the ..."

Run and Roll Duathlon Report

Race day started at 6am. Got up and made the decision that yes I am racing today. I had fumbled back and forth with the idea since I have been dealing with this UTI. Which by the way still hasn't gone away. I had raced this inaugural event last year along with my husband and father. I surely didn't want to miss year number two.

So even though my focus has not been on this race I decided I would do my best and hope for the best. All I could keep playing in my head was how fast this race is. I have never seen people run so fast at the start of a race. This year was no different.

Husband, kids and I were all out the door just before 7. My oldest was volunteering and had to be there by 7:15. It's so nice when you get to race in the town right next door. More sleep, less stress, easy to get to and from and usually you get to see people you know. Dropped the bikes off in our designated area and then of course I got in line for the porta potty. So far this morning I was doing ok but I could feel the change happening. I have the need to go before every race as it is due to nerves and being anxious. With 20 mins to go I was doing the potty dance. I had to go so bad. But of course I really didn't. Lines were too long now and really there was no point because I would just go and then I would still feel like I had to go. So I did my best to ignore it for a very long 20 mins. Finally the gun went off.

Just like last year people took off. Now I know it's only 2 miles, but do they forget that there is a 12 mile bike and another 2 mile run? I heard a girl actually say what I have thought for 2 years now out loud on the course. "Do they not know they have to run again?" But I have to say I know that because everyone is pushing hard it makes me push hard. The first mile I struggled to hold pace and not think about peeing all over. Every step was a jolt. But I know my body well enough that if I push hard enough that those feeling will go away. But I have to be pushing the limits or have been running for at least an hour before that happens. So I pushed my limit. They were a long, quiet, two miles. Quiet as a mouse run. No one was talking. No one was hooting or hollering. No one. All you could here was footstep pounding the pavement and once in awhile some leaves getting crushed. It was very odd. I was running with a group yet sounded like I was all alone. No music no distractions. Just gut out 2 miles and don't stop running through transition.

2 miles 15:44

Sunglasses, helmet, bike and I'm off. I chose not to use bike shoes and changed out my pedals. I think that was the right decision. Otherwise I would have to change shoes twice and I thought it would take more time to do that then I would have saved. If I was an excellent biker I would of went with the bike shoes. As it can save you a ton of time. I'm off on the bike and happy to not have peed on myself yet. Last year I had trouble getting breathing under control after the run. Took about 3-4 miles before I could breathe normally. So I made a point to try and get a grip on that right away. This year was much better. Even though I ran faster I didn't have any trouble with breathing on the bike. A lot of people passed me at first but I let them and just got comfortable in areo position. After about 3 miles I started passing a lot of people. The people I once was with the crappy mountain bike riding their little hearts out. I would cruise by like it was no effort. I know what they were thinking. That's not fair, I need a bike like that. I want to ride like that. Been there thought that. It makes a ton of difference. Though there are those few that passed me on a mountain bike. Most were men in there 20 or 30's that should be faster than me in the first place. There thighs were large, calves bulging. Yup they have the power to do that. I know the route well. It's what I drive on and ride on all the time. SO I settled in got passed and passed about the same amount of people.

Bike time with transition in 45:22

Back into transition...run the bike in do not walk. Drop the bike, helmet, glasses, coat and off I went. The hardest part of any race that includes biking and running is the run right off the bike. It's a feeling that is hard to explain. You feel incredibly slow. Have no concept of how fast you are running unless you have your trusty garmin to tell you. I can be off by about 30-45 seconds in what I think I'm running. The first .50-.75 miles are the hardest. You are switching over from biking legs to running legs. My breathing labored at this point. Wanting to stop and walk. But I heard this woman right behind me for awhile. Drafting off of me. Which always makes me annoyed. So I picked up the pace slightly and dropped her. Then another girl passed me but then slowed down to my pace. For the next mile we were only 3 steps apart. Switching who was in first. I finally said something as we were running shoulder to shoulder. "I don't know about you but I'm ready to be done." She responded with a snotty "What?" I repeated myself and she didn't answer. Maybe she couldn't. Heart rate may have been to high. I realized mine must not be high enough as I could speak a full sentence not once but twice. So I pushed the pace and she kept with me. The last .25 miles she out kicked me. I just didn't have it in me mentally to get her. I held my pace and crossed the line.

Run with transition out from bike 18:13

Total time 1:19:20.1
Last year 1:22:52.9
PR by 3:32

For a short race like this a 3:32 improvment is great. Even better, it got me 3rd in my age group. I got to bring home some bling. That always makes my day. I thought for sure that being in the 34-39 age group would not be a good thing. To much competition. But after looking at everyone results had I been 40 I wouldn't of gotten a metal. Not even close. There are some very very fast 40-44 year olds. About 6 of them. About 10 mins faster than I am. That running a 6 or 7 m/m and biking an avg of 22 mph. I better enjoy my metal now because next year there won't be one!

Are things progressing?

I'm not really sure.

I feel like my head is not in the game. Not into training.

That's not good.

How go I get back into the game?

Focus.


I have a duathlon this weekend. Lucky for me my husband keeps reminding me. Otherwise I would forget to show up. That's how bad my focus is right now. As of today I'm not sure I will even do that race. Let me just say that UTI's are not a friendly training partner or racer. I can't seem to get it under control. I'll probably be back in the doctors office on Friday. Always something.

My shin is back to screaming and aching. I happened to touch the quarter size spot the other day when it was aching. I thought I would jump off the bed. Tears instantly came to my eyes. It hurt so bad. What makes this so sad is that it will never go away. Even when I took 3 months off within 10 days it was back. It's not really shin splints. It's the periostenum that is pulling away from the shin bone. As I run the tendons pull the periostenum away. I have many tears in it and the more I run the worse it gets. There is no blood flow in the periostenum which is why it won't heal. Only thing I can do is try and tape the legs so that the tendons don't pull as hard in that area. I have dealt with this pain for over a year and a 1/2. I wish I could just run pain free once in awhile.

Focus.

Someone go find some for me.

Pain.

Someone take it away.

Who is that someone going to be?

It has to be me.

I'm Not There....I'm Here.

Here is it Tuesday again. On the schedule....a ten miler. Since it's fall I will not be running out the door any time soon. The weather for today should be nice but not warm enough for me until about 11.

After 23 days of workouts I had a rest day on Thursday of last week. I needed it. During Wednesday strength training class I was a mess. I had no energy, no power, no nothing. With Tuesday being my long run day it's going to make Wednesday's class pretty difficult. As the mileage goes up I may need to figure out another plan. But honestly I don't have really any other day that will work out better. I need to be rested and ready for these long runs. So for now I will keep it as is and tweak it as I go.

I spent the weekend in PA visiting my Mom and Grandfather. I haven't been there in over a year. This trip was long overdue. It's always hard to go. Being an only child I feel a responsibility to them. But this year I came back home with a heavy heart and a huge weight on my shoulders. My Grandfather is 94. Last year I would say that he was doing well for 93. Yes he has many issues but pretty good for 93. There was a dramatic change in him this year. I see him dying. I see what was once my most cherished grandfather turning into a dying old man. A man that barely recognizes me and doesn't have the energy to even talk to me very long. He holds a very special place in my heart and I have wonderful memories of him when I was a kid. The man I saw this time was not my grandfather. He is gone. Now we wait for the dying man in the chair to say goodbye. I would be surprised if he lasts another year. Most likely it will have been the last time I got to spend with him.

Then there is my mother, who at 58 has had ailments all her life. Problem after problem. Too many surgeries to count. Always sick, always recovering, always in pain. She is 58. My father is racing at age 60. My mother is 58 and falling apart. Each year I listen to her tell me how bad it is, or how good it is yet still needing a surgery or PT or injections or who knows. Every year I see her and think yes she is going through all that but it's not as bad as she makes out. She seems to be doing just fine when I see her. I always felt that she was over exaggerating. Not this time. I watched her closely. I listened to her. I watched when she thought I wasn't. She is in horrible pain. Hunched over like an 80 year old. Not being to get up the stairs or down without going the speed of a snail one stair at a time. Once she sits it's a giant effort to get back up. Right now she needs both hips replaced and a shoulder repaired and knees fixed. She is 58! What the hell? Why has she had to deal with all these things? With fused bones in her back and a neck that has been repaired and a tumor removed from inside her head. Why does this woman have to deal with all this? It scared me to no end. What is ahead for her if she feels like this now? Will I be taking care of her by the time she is 65? Remember I am an only child on my mothers side. She too is an only child trying her best to take care of herself and her dying 94 year old father. While I'm half way across the country raising my family. Guilt doesn't even come close to the burden I feel right now. My mother is stubborn. A perfectionist. Knows all and is never wrong. It makes her come across as being very very strong. Sometimes overbearing and always critical of things and others. She has many many friends. But she doesn't treat her friends the same way as she treats her family. She expects nothing less than the best from them. She is a difficult woman to handle. Over the years we have had our ups and downs. Within the past 10 years we have finally figured out what works for us. It's probably not your typical mother daughter relationship but it works well. I dread the day that I have to take over. That I will have to tell her that she is no longer in charge. I am. The day that I insist that she move near me so that I can take care of her. I can't even get her to visit once in awhile let alone move here. I dread that day. She will become even more difficult as she ages. Just like her father. It's not going to be pretty. But the fact that I'm really giving this much thought to begin with is terrifying. She should not have to feel like this at her age. There are more surgeries in her near future. By next year she will have a few more new body parts and I can only hope and pray that it will give her the life she deserves. She has paid her dues. Give her a break for awhile.

I returned home Sunday night crying in the car. I cried that night. I cried the next day. I am crying now. I'm here, my Grandfather and Mom are there. It's a horrible feeling. I feel helpless, lost and unreliable. I wish I could be there everyday just leading a hand. I have the time to give yet I can't be there. It's been a very hard week for me.

Passion

It's Biggest Loser night.....yes.

Tonight we will see one of their first workouts. The ones where usually someone pukes, passes out, or falls off the treadmill. Tonight we will see who truly wants to put in the hard work verses the ones that thought they did. We will see who has passion and who doesn't.

I have never puked after a workout or race. Though, once after a 5k I thought for sure I was going to heave all over the place. I have never passed out. The closest I have ever come to that is when I got my first IV back in 1996. The second time was last week when I hit my nail so hard it ripped of the nail bed. No treadmill falls either. Though I know people who have...... Guess I'm not so tough after all.

I do however have the passion, if that's what you want to call it. I suppose I do all these running, tri's, duathlons races for a reason. What is that reason? Sometimes I can't answer that. Today was one of those days.

It's was supposed to be Happy Long Run Tuesday. A 9 miler was on the schedule. Last long run was 7. I haven't run longer than 7 since July. Combine that knowledge with the fact I'm on day 22 of consecutive workouts, my hamstrings are still tight from dead lifting 40 lbs over and over on Friday, (thanks Donna) my right calf has been a rock for over a week and my left shin is slowly rearing it's ugly head. Take all that and add a pinch of I haven't slept well in awhile and I have a lot on my mind that is stressing me out. Nope the 9 miler was not in any way smooth. It was hard. Not just the last few miles but every mile. But I got it done. With a pace of 10:05. I had to stop a few times to get water, blow my annoying nose. I have exercise induced rhinitis. And just try and get the legs loose. They never loosened up. I questioned myself why? Why am I yet again training for another "Goofy" challenge. Why do I put myself through all the soreness, pain, metal and physical endurance? Because it is now who I am. This is what I do. This is what defines me. This is what people know about me. I am the athlete. The tall blonde that can out swim, bike and run most Mom's my age. This is my passion.

Looking for Answers

I watched one of my favorite shows last night. The Biggest Loser.

Many times I wanted to cry listening to their stories. Probably not for the reasons you would think.

Most of the contestants have had a tragic death in their immediate family. I have been fortunate. I have yet to deal with anything so painful. They turned to food to ease their pain. It then became an addiction. One of the contestants had alcoholism run in the family. He made the statement that he was born with an addictive personality. Instead of alcohol, he chose food. One person just cried asking why? Why can't I say no? Why does my body say yes?

My husband rolls his eyes in disgust that these people would allow themselves to get this large. I asked him if he had any sympathy for these people. He said no. Wow, that hit a nerve. I may not look like these people, but I surely feel some of the things they feel. I completely understand why they have gotten so large. I completely understand the pain. I understand asking myself why? I have a war with myself everyday about food. Lucky for me that I am an athlete. Otherwise I would be one of those people. It's the sport that keeps me in check. If only I ate the way I should then I could be thinner, faster, stronger and better at racing. But for some reason at 2 pm. Those cookies look, taste, smell better than anything else in the world. Until I eat them and I get an upset stomach for eating so much and get mad at myself because once again I failed.

I eat way way way too much food. Too much junk and salt to be exact. I bet I could eat exactly what these Biggest Loser Contestants eat in any given day. I look forward to seeing their transformations. I look forward to the inspirational advice that is given by Bob and Jillian. I look forward to seeing them achieve their goals. I look forward to the pain they will feel at their many many workouts. The weight doesn't just fall off. You have to work at it and it isn't easy. Trust me.

My workouts will not change. My mindset however is going to have too. Otherwise I will crack soon. Something has got to change.

Day After Day

I'm feeling it. The sluggish feeling you get when your body tells you, "um, excuse me, do we really need to work out again?" I have worked out 14 days in a row now. I don't consider this to be too much. Right now the volume of each workout, especially the runs are low. The mileage is still only about 1/3 of what it will be in a month or so. So maybe I do have a hard workout day but it's followed by a nice 3 miler with an added mile of walking tacked on.

But this morning in spin I could feel that my body was tired. My legs a bit sore from my hilly fast 3 miler yesterday. My transverse ab dominis still a bit tweaked from last Wed training class. My neck muscles tight. We hit AT right off the bat and the class was an aerobic endurance day. Well I decided that I do plenty of aerobic endurance. So after hitting my AT of 154 today I kept it 10 beats below whatever zone we were supposed to be in. What I thought would be a somewhat easy class turned into a sweat pouring, puddle on the floor workout. Another sign the body is tired and working harder than usual to keep a certain pace.

I'll make an effort today to take it easy. Eat well and hopefully if there is someone in my corner, a good nights sleep. Because tomorrow is not a rest day nor are the next 6. As the mileage increases I will probably have to back off on a swim or spin during the week just to get a day of rest. But for now all systems are go. Other than feeling tired and a bit sore I'm eager to keep going.

Power House

"You are in a different category."

"You have to do things differently."

"Don't listen to what I'm saying, it doesn't apply to you."

"You need to take it to the next level."

"You aren't losing weight? You're gaining? Well you're in marathon training. Totally different."

"You are a power house. I don't think I'll be able to get used to it."



I received everyone of these remarks today. Within an hour. During my personal training class. It's our 5th class and things are now different. Our trainer has now realized that I can do pretty much anything. Not because I claim to be that tough, but because I have total focus. If she asks me to do something I do it. Not half assed, not while whining, not while looking at the clock. I do everything she asks and I do it well. Now, I pay for that. She stepped it up a notch today. While the class did regular planks, myself and the one guy in the class did planks but with a raised leg. When we did laps around the gym to get to LT, I had to lap the class twice while sprinting in order to get the heart rate high enough. While squatting against the wall, I had to spread my legs out wider and add weights to my legs. She expects the class to be sore tomorrow and wants to know on Friday if we were. I can tell you right now I won't be sore tomorrow. I would already start to feel it.

Question is do I fess up and tell her on Friday?

How Slow Can You Go?

I know that after running for the past 7 years now that I have had my ups and downs. Training for races sometimes goes well, sometimes not so well. The races themselves.....you just never know. When I least expect it I have a great race. Other days when I think I've done everything right..... the race doesn't. I have been fortunate never to have DNF'ed. But I have come close.

SO this training season my main focus seems to be to figure out how to run slow on the LSD days. Which right now are on Tuesdays for me. This is my fifth time training for a marathon. You would think that I would have an understanding of why and how you are supposed to run slower on your long runs than you plan to run on race day. Up to 90 seconds slower per mile. For some reason I struggle with this. I'm not sure if it's because I don't run fast enough on the other days or if I just run so slow that I can't run any slower without tripping!

My body is all legs. Long, strong, thick with an extra layer of fat that I'm working on shedding. You would think I'd be fast. But I learned way back in high school that I am not fast and never will be. Really if you watch those that run fast most of them are not tall. Not all legs. They are average to short, lean and very proportionate with their bodies. I am non of this. Thus I am slow. How do I learn to go slower?

Today was my first test. I had to run 7 miles this morning. Soon that will be a short run, but for now it is considered my LSD. My goal....to hit the 10:30p for most of the run. That is 1 minute slower than I plan on doing Disney. How did it go? Have a look.

Mile 1: 9:29 (crap, must have been the electrolyte tablets I just took)
Mile 2: 10:10 (getting there, but man that felt really slow)
Mile 3: 10:18 ( mile 3, I'm not huffing, puffing, can still breathe through my nose)
Mile 4: 10:16 ( I found my niche, 10:15 pace seems to be my comfort zone)
Mile 5: 10:35 (ah ha, got it. Finally only took 5 miles)
Mile 6: 10:01 ( got to excited I guess and sped up)
Mile 7: 9:44 ( I know, I was ready to go home)

Total: 7 miles in 1:10:30 10:04p.

This was not the 10:30 I was looking for. This is going to be harder than I thought. But I had a light bulb moment today. I finally realized why you are supposed to train this way. Today's run was the first in a very long time that I didn't feel zapped at the end. I didn't feel out of breath, I didn't feel like I was pushing my limits. I just ran. And I finished happy. Not exhausted. Bingo. All I want to do is finish happy in Disney. So my LSD runs will be happy runs. Whether the pace be 9:45 or 10:45 doesn't much matter. Just finish happy.

Training Smart

Been over a week since I've blogged. Not that I haven't wanted to but really there isn't much to say or report.

The biggest news of the week is that Goofy training started. I've chosen to do the Hal Higdon novice 1 again. Last time I did novice 2 and really I should be able to handle the next level with all the years I have been running. But I'm taking my approach a bit differently this time. My goal is to finish the Goofy training with my left leg in tact and not in pain 24 hours a day. SO in order to do this I need to do the least amount of running possible with the most bang for your buck. I have very specific workouts now. Each run has a purpose. There will be no running the same thing day in and day out. I also will be doing a ton of cross training. Swimming and spin class will be a staple of this training for the next 4 months.

So each week goes something like this...

Monday: Fast pace run and spin class
Tues: Long slow distance run
Wed: Swim and circuit/strength class
Thurs: Recovery run
Friday: Swim and circuit/ strength class
Sat: Marathon pace run
Sun: REST

Now of course I'm still playing around with what works out on which days. But all these workouts will take place. I'm not sure as the mileage goes up that I can run fast and do spin right after. But I can't really change that run to Wed or Fri because that is too many running days in a row. A recipe for disaster according to my shin.

My fast paced runs will be a minimum of 30 secs faster per mile than marathon pace. Hopefully as I get in better running shape I'll be able to hold down a 45sec- 1 minute increase in pace those days. LSD run will be 1 minute slower per mile than marathon pace. Recovery run is based totally on heart rate. Keeping it in the top of zone 2 and hitting zone 3 towards the end of the run. And the biggie the marathon paced run. I'm shooting for 9:30 pace. This is much faster than I have ever run a marathon before. But after running a 9:00 m/m for a 1/2 marathon during triathlon training, I believe that I should be able to hold anywhere between 9:30 and 10 for Disney.

Sore....ing To New Levels

I'm still moving forward, though it might be less painful to walk backwards down the stairs. I feel like I ran a marathon on Wednesday. My legs with special mention of the knees and inner thigh are on fire. The kind of pain that when you sit to go to the bathroom you have to support yourself with your hands on the counter. Getting up.... even harder. Happy I am to have a small bathroom and have the counter to rely on.

This is exactly what I need. Why do I feel this way? It's from my new modified personal training class. I didn't think I would ever be this sore from class. At the time I knew I was getting a good workout I just didn't know how good. Or the other way to look at it is that yes I'm an endurance athlete, but holy crap, I'm way out of shape. I have muscles deep within that carry me through my endurance type events but I don't have the strength in those same muscles to leap, squat, lunge, shuffle, kick at high speeds or with resistance and weight. If I did I wouldn't been so damn sore! This is my first lesson. This class will make me stronger. It will most definitely make me faster. Everyone watch out. I may not be able to walk faster than you today. But give me three months and I'll blow you away.

Forward

My motto for the day and future days....

You can't go back. You can only move forward.

I need to stop thinking about what I did or more often what I didn't do...yesterday, last Monday, last week, back in July so on and so on. I need to not worry about what I ate yesterday, last Monday, last week, back in July so on and so on. I can only change what I do from this minute on.

Believe it or not I heard this motto on my soap opera as I ate my healthy lunch. I just stopped eating and thought for a moment. Exactly. That's exactly how I should live each day. I have had one of those days that everything just seems to make sense. I have learned a lot today. And no it wasn't all from my soap opera.

Early in the morning I headed to the gym to drown, which is what I told my husband. I have only hit the pool twice in a month. Not so good. But, it's official, I finally got into the "it's like riding a bike" mentality. I remembered how to swim and with some kind of form. Now I have gotten a bit slower, but still about 1:15 mins faster per 400m than I was when I first started a few years ago. I did 3, 400m and 300m of kicking. All the 400's were under 9 mins. Certainly not fast but I'm not concerned with speed right now. For now it's about maintaining the sport through Jan. and using it as active recovery from running. After swimming I tried something new. My new modified personal training class. This class takes place in the large gym next to where I usually take spin class. My father was in that spin class I'm sure laughing at the sight of all 16 of us. We will be doing mostly polymetrics....what are those you ask?

Plyometrics (also known as "plyos") is a type of exercise training designed to produce fast, powerful movements, and improve the functions of the nervous system, generally for the purpose of improving performance in sports. Plyometric movements, in which a muscle is loaded and then contracted in rapid sequence, use the strength, elasticity and innervation of muscle and surrounding tissues to jump higher, run faster, throw farther, or hit harder, depending on the desired training goal. Plyometrics is used to increase the speed or force of muscular contractions, providing explosiveness for a variety of sport-specific activities.

All I know is that even on the first day I got in a good workout. Heart rate was up in all zones and I expended about 600 calories in 45 mins. Almost identical to a spin class. Lots of core work. Lots of sweat and lots of work. Exactly what my routine is missing. After class I spent some time with one of the trainers who is also a certified nutritionist. Told her my issues and what she recommended.

So for the next month I have a goal. I am making some dietary adjustments. I am taking in a ton more protein. I am taking fish oil. And I am taking a daily vitamin that really is a AM and PM combo. This should help me sleep better and give myself more energy to take on all these challenges I will face in the next 4 months. I'm giving it a month so see if I become super woman.

There is no more looking back.

Memories

Here it is the day I have been waiting for. The kids went back to school this morning. Granted it's only a 1/2 day and they will be home for lunch. It's still the first day to getting myself back in line.

For the first time this year I was able to send both kids out the door by 6:20am. That is extremely early but in our school district band is before school. Plus our neighborhood is one of the farthest from the school. So in order to be seated in band by 7 they leave at 6:20. Last year I had one leaving at 6:20 and the other at 8:20. What a pain that was. A wasted 2 hours. Couldn't do much of anything but wait for boy to get up. Not this year. I plan on taking full advantage of those extra hours. I did exactly that today.

After the boys and husband were gone I played with the dog for awhile, ate some breakfast, changed, made the beds and checked my email. By 7:20 I was out the door. Today is beautiful out. A slight breeze with full sun, but at 7:20 it was only in the high 50's. Perfect running weather. So was it the weather? The spring in my step? The fact that I was again on my time not kid time? A combo of all? Who knows but I managed to run 6 miles with an avg. pace of 9:12. This was not even a hard effort. I was in control, breathing was good, heart rate high but not too high. What ever it was I hope it happens again tomorrow.

I hit 5 miles and turned into our neighborhood. I timed this out just as the kids were all waiting for the elementary buses. I passed 7-8 bus stops this morning with an average of at least 10 kids per stop. Parents were armed with cameras waiting patiently for the bus to arrive. The kids on the other hand were all over the place. Some screaming in glee. Some shedding tears. Some so scared they looked like they may pass out. Made me think about my babies and how they aren't babies anymore. How they would smile when we took out the camera to take those first photo's of them getting on the bus. How each year we take a picture of them on the steps. How they would wave to me when the bus would pull away. How I would shed a tear those first few years because I was worried they would get scared or would need help and they would be afraid to ask. Between the two of them we have had 8 years at this elementary school. Not anymore. That may be different but for piece of mind and nostalgia we still take that picture on the stairs and I still shed a tear this morning as my little one trailed behind his big brother, hoping that he would show him the way to do things in middle school.

Longest week of the year

I seem to be in limbo.

The kids are still home for another week. It will be the longest week of summer. They are ready to go back and I am ready for them to go back. The puppy on the other hand will be very sad when the kids are gone and when I'm off to the gym most mornings.

Nothing seems to be getting done. I find myself making a mental list of some of the things I want to take care of but I haven't checked off a thing. Not sure why really, other than I'm waiting for "my time" to resume. I am still on "kid time" I arrange everything around the kids. As busy as we are in the summer I find that I have a lot more time on my hands doing nothing. Gets boring sometimes. But when they go back to school I seem to pack most days with plenty to do before they walk in the door. Then I'm back on "kid time". But that means something different during the school year. It becomes driving to and from activities, helping with homework, getting everything ready for the next school day and making sure everyone gets a decent dinner. After about 2 weeks of this routine everyone will have a schedule including myself.

The gym is calling me back. Training for the Goofy Challenge starts mid Sept. I will be running 4 days a week, two days of spin, one to two days of swimming and two days of personal training. Hehe that equals 10 days. So yes there will be quite a few days of doubling up workouts. I have been slowly getting myself back into running. I feel so out of shape. But I know it will all come back to me. This morning I ran a comfortable 6.5 miles. Granted it was slow but I got in the mileage.

1 week to go.

1 week to tack on my list, Sunset finisher, Run for the Dole finisher, Goofy Finisher, Miami Tri PR, Lake in the Hills Tri PR and of course the biggie, IRONMAN 70.3 RACINE

Can't wait to start checking off the list.

Garbage for Breakfast?

I looked at it this morning and asked why he didn't eat it yesterday. He responded back that I said I may eat it later. So he didn't dare touch it. When I said later, I meant after dinner. I was good and never had it. So there is sits on the counter staring at me. You see I have been hungry non stop for two days in a row. I have cut out most of the junk and eating much less and much healthier. Now I know it's only two days but for me the first week is awful. I am always starving. Which brings me back to it. The garbage cookie, just sitting there. I decide to make myself peanut butter toast and have some fruit before I run. As I am getting my breakfast he decides to eat the cookie. My favorite cookie. He is eating it for breakfast. Well really his breakfast before his breakfast. He breaks off a piece and walks away. I continue to get my breakfast ready. He breaks off another piece. It sits there unwrapped calling my name. I reach over it to get the peanut butter for my toast. I glance down and now it's just a bite of a cookie. Well a bite wouldn't be so bad, right? Then it will be gone. But I decline to pick it up. Knowing if I eat that bite I will be disappointed that it's all gone. I go about my business and finish getting my meal ready. I sit at the table and look back at the counter. It's gone, he ate it all and now he's making eggs and toast. I'm jealous.

He has no clue that this all took place. He ate the cookie to get it out of my sight. Then went on about his life. For me that was a victory, a tiny tiny one but still it's a start.

I finished my breakfast and then headed to the treadmill for a 3-4 miles run which turned into a 5.25 run followed by a .75 fat burning zone 3 walk. I felt good, it felt good. My heart rate still high for the pace but I did notice an improvement. Another two weeks of solid workouts and I'll be back in business.

Thanks for eating the cookie and please don't bring anymore of them home!

89 days to go.

Well I did it. Not only did I sign up for the 90 day challenge, I signed up for TEAM EXTREME. It's a new program that they are trying out at the gym and I decided it basically fits into what I'm missing when I'm training. Instead of working one on one with a trainer, I will be with a group of 12-16 people with two personal trainers. We will meet twice a week and they will always be switching up what we need to do. This will be intense enough that not only will it be strength training it will be a cardio workout as well. I'm hoping at the end of the three months I will be stronger, more muscular and a faster athlete because of it.

Of course there's lots of work to be done. But I have the 90 days to transform my body. This morning they took fat measurements and there was a weigh in. So in order to again take a step to being accountable I will share those numbers.

Height 5'10"
Age 39
Weight 152
Fat composition: (using the calibrated pinch method)
Triceps 20
Hips 19
Thighs 25

I end up being 25% body fat. Really? Damn. That's a lot. But I'm not surprised based on my eating habits. Get that under control and that number will drop quickly. Also doing workouts in Zone 3 instead of always in Zone 2 or 4 will help a ton. Zone 3 is your fat burning zone. It's the zone that you feel like yes your working and sweating but that you could keep it up for hours.

So 25% body fat equals 38lbs of fat on my body. In order to claim I'm an athlete the standard fat% would be 14-20% . Which 20% on me now would be 30lbs. So that's my goal for this challenge.

10 lbs. to loose and a minimum of 8 lbs of that being fat.

So my husband knows I'm doing this challenge and with today being day 1 I thought I would stick with eating healthly for the day. Now don't get me wrong I don't plan on being one of those people who restrict everything. That never works. Everything in moderation. I will find the balance. But again today is day one. I had my husband pick up salads from my favorite place. Perfect, a salad that I love and it's huge. What else does he get? Garbage cookies. One for him one for me. I love these cookies. They have everything in them. All types of chips, carrots, potato chips. You name it, it's in the cookie. Sounds gross but they are fabulous. So now I have one starting at me. Thanks dear. Hopefully HE will eat it after dinner.

Claiming My Title Back

Can you believe that the summer is coming to a close? I have three weeks until my kids go back to school. What a summer it has been. Victories and setbacks. Motivational highs and lows. We were pretty much on the go for about 6 weeks. Traveling to races or traveling out of the country to traveling to NY for a wedding. I'm glad that is all behind me. I had a great time but ready to move on. After we got back from the wedding almost 3 weeks ago my motivation has been less than stellar. Practically non-existent. Everyday I would say, "Self, this is the day, this is the day we get back on the band wagon and get back into shape." That lasted until about lunch when I ate everything in the house I could find. This routine has gone on for about 3 weeks now. Since June 19th I have gained 10 lbs. If I don't get the eating under control and get back to working out I will gain another 10lbs. by Christmas.

So I have a plan. This is not something I would normally do, but decided it would help me become accountable. I am joining a 90 challenge at the gym that starts on Sat. I will be given personalized workouts to do (which will incorporate my training for the Goofy challenge in January plus biking and swimming) I will be responsible and eat healthier. I will have weigh-ins. I will not let my team down. I will not be the one who doesn't take it seriously nor the one who loses it for the team. I'm hoping this will jump start the athlete in me. Little by little I am losing that title and I want it back more than ever. But that means being disciplined and active. Stronger and healthier.

I have a big 2011 planned. So I better get crackin......

High Cliff Triathlon Part 2 & 3

So time has passed me by and it's now over a month since I did the 1/2 Ironman. I didn't forget to finish the race report I just got burned out training, talking, writing all things related to triathlons. I needed the break. What I thought would be a week long break ended up to be a 4 week break. Due to a horrible strep which turned into a 3 week chest cold there was no way I was going to exercise let alone go up a flight of stairs without wheezing. In a months time I was sick for 3 weeks, went on a week long cruise got home unpacked, packed and left for NY for my nephew's wedding. Now back home and ready to start up again, my local gym is closed for the week due to renovations. Next week I have company for most of the week. I'll get in a couple of workouts but nothing major. I have lost fitness, lost motivation, lost the body I had a month ago. But that's ok. I'll be fine...........see I have a new vision. One that will take me all the way through the next year. But that's for the next blog. For now let's see what I remember from the 1/2 ironman.



Once on the bike, you had a long slowly rising hill to go up. We drove the course the day before and I thought there was no way I would be able to ride up the hill. As I was headed up I looked around and no one was walking their bike up. So I guess I wasn't walking mine up either. It was a long 3/4 of mile twisting and turning upwards to get out of the park. Once on the country roads the wind slapped you in the face. It would turn out to be a head wind for the first 20 miles. Back country rolling hills. It seemed though that the hills were rolling up more than they were rolling down. With the wind I was managing a speed of about 16 mph. About a mile slower than I would of liked even with the wind. We got a break for a few miles as we turned off the main straight away. Still seemed like hills that only went up but at least it was less wind. After completing a square I was back on the main road this time with the wind on my back, yes! Nutrition seemed to be going well. Later I learned that I was missing something very valuable. I probably didn't eat as much as I should have on the bike but I tried. Live and learn. At about mile 40 I almost ran into a car. I was at an aid station grabbing a water bottle. I forgot that I was in areo position and when I reached for the bottle I lost my balance on the bike veering sharply to the left after I got the bottle. I missed the volunteers car by about 10 feet. I was able to regain control sit myself up and hold a water bottle all at the same time. I was lucky. So onward I went and was thinking that my groin area on my left leg was really starting to bother me. As the miles ticked on the pain got worse and the lower portion of my leg went numb. I tried to stretch while riding and I tried to reposition myself. But nothing really was working. I was able to gain some time on the way back up to mile 50 or so. I was holding a pace of 18 mph on the way back. But once again WHAM!!!!! Head wind at mile 50. The last 7 miles were hard, painful and mentally taxing. Knowing I was still going to have to run 13 miles yet all I wanted to do was get off the damn bike. Finally pulling into transition my family was right there waiting for me. Cheering me on and trying to make me happy! I was not happy. I got off the bike and walked it back to my spot. My groin area was killing me. As I bent down to get my bike shoes off shooting pain went through my leg. I was convinced I had pulled a muscle in my left leg on the bike. How on earth was I going to run? I changed shoes, shirt and put on my running hat. Found my ipod and off I went. Walking. walking and more walking. My husband walked about 1/4 of a mile with me. I remember saying how much it hurt. How tired I was, how I can't run, how it was much harder than I ever thought possible. I said I wanted to quit. I was facing that same hill yet again on the run that I did at the start of the bike. It was right in front of me. Being the best Sherpa........my husband knew better than to say , it's ok you can stop. He never said don't stop but he never said it was ok to quit. If he had I think I might have and I would of regretted that decision. I knew it was gong to be a very long 13.1 miles. I told my husband don't expect me for 3 hours. I planned on walking most of it.

Off I went as the kids and my sisters yelled my name. I waved and trudged on. As I was walking up that hill I watched as people I passed on the bike run past me. That should be me I thought. But I knew better than to try and run up the hill. I decided once on the trail I would try and run. This 1/2 ironman has a trail run that goes throughout the whole park. I knew ahead of time it would be a trail run but I guess I wasn't thinking I would be in a forest for a good part of it. As I approached the start of the trail you immediately went up stone and gravel. Only to go down stone and gravel. Running any speed would be difficult on the current terrain. I managed a slow jog for awhile and then started to walk again. It was the longest 3 miles I have ever run. Now in my fourth mile I was in the forest watching for tree branches and stones on the trail. It was a nice distraction and of course was completely shaded. Lots of people passed me. I only passed one or two at this point. But it was a double loop so you didn't know if the people you passed were already at mile 8 when your at 4 or if the people passing you were on their second loop. Probably better not to know. I continued the run walk thing for many many miles. I have to say the first 6 miles were about 2/3 of a walk and 1/3 run. But as I was getting close to the 1.2 way mark I found my new favorite volunteer. He was handing out pills. Yes pills. As I approached he asked if I wanted any. I asked what they were. Electrolyte pills. He handed me three and I decided to take them. I felt horrible I wanted the race over. I barely was running at that point. So what the hell, I might as well give them a try. As I continued on my way wondering when on earth I would start the second loop I was also waiting for my father to pass me. I had no idea how he did on the bike. I know that is his strongest event. I figured he was about 10-15 mins behind. Given that thought he soon would catch up and pass me on the run. I just couldn't keep running. I walked more and by the time I got to mile 7 about 1 mile after those pills I felt like I could run the rest of the way. I learned a valuable lesson right then and there. I didn't come close to taking in enough Gatorade on the bike. I don't like Gatorade and if I drink too much too fast it upsets my stomach. So I was careful to only have a bit of it. Big mistake. Had I drank more of it on the bike or better yet had these electrolyte pills on the bike my run would have been completely different. But there was nothing I could do about that now. I was happy as a clam that I was running again. Maybe only a 10:00 pace but that's ok better than walking. The miles ticked on and I did walk here and there but most of the last 6 miles were running. I ran in dirt, gravel, grass, horse trail, passed campers and their camp sites. Sometimes you are so far out in the trails there is no one around just you and the ground. Scary at times but also a feeling of Wow, look what I'm doing, on my own, it's me against me. I can do this. As I got to about the 11 mile mark I came to what looks like a stone quarry for the second time. There was a camera guy ready to take your picture. I had forgotten he would be there and I had stopped to walk for a minute to open a packet of sport beans. I looked ahead and there he was ready to take the picture. I yelled and waved my hand, no no wait. I have to be running. Don't take it yet. He laughed and said ok. So with a mouthful of beans I started to run. He said smile will ya? I said I can't I have a mouthful of beans. But somehow I faked a smile and said thank you. You know what, after checking out the pictures that day it is the best picture ever taken of me in any race I've ever done. I've already placed my order and waiting for that picture to arrive. Mile 11-12 is a blur, all I wanted was to get off the trail. Once I was off I knew it was back down that big hill that I started on to the finish. I had a few people in front of me when I turned right to go down the hill. Some of them started their second loop and I felt their pain. I headed down the hill and right at that moment the song. Not Afraid by Emimem came on my ipod. Those words were awe inspiring for me. I was now at about a 8:00 pace going down the hills. Every step hurt. The quads shot with pain as my feet would hit the ground. But I didn't slow. I had my eyes on a woman about .2 miles ahead of me. I was determined to pass her before the finish line. I replayed the song again and started to cry. I was doing it, I had done it. I was going to make it. I didn't give up. That song pulled me to the line. I passed that woman about .1 miles from the finish line. I saw the family cheering me on, taking pictures. I made sure to high five all the kids on the way. Everybody who stays all those hours to see their person deserves a metal themselves. They deserve that high five. It's the least I can do.

I passed through the finish line with my hands in the air and a smile on my face. I was bent over in pain hobbling to the girl that I weighted to see for 6 months. The one holding my metal. MY METAL. No one else's, it was all MINE. Right after the metal a guy walked up to me and asked if I was ok. I could see Dave about 20 feet behind him snapping pictures. I said yes and then he said are you sure? So now I was questioning myself. Do I look that bad? I'm I really not ok but think I am? Am I delirious?? I answered that yes I was fine. He said ok just sit down and drink lots of fluids. Exactly what I did. Come to find out that was his job. To ask every athlete if they were ok. So maybe I didn't look that bad after all.

Hugs and more hugs from the family. Smiles and anticipation still waiting for my Dad to come across the line. I then learned that he was much further behind me in the bike then I thought. About 40 mins worth. That wind whipped us both good. No wonder he never passed me on the run. Too bad we could run together. Me on my second loop and him on his first. He crossed that finish line about 50 mins after I did. I finished in 6:52:49. I was hoping for 6:30 but it just didn't happen. That's ok, because the decision as been made to attempt another one next summer. It was in the top 3 of hardest things I have ever done. The other two being birthing two kids! I know my errors. I know what I have to improve on. And I now know what it is like to be one of the few who can say, why yes I am a 1/2 ironman finisher and athlete.

Next up a whole new challenge...............

High Cliff Half Ironman....part 1

It's been a few days now since the race has been over. I just didn't have the energy to go over everything that happened that day yet again. I have played it over and over in my mind and have talked about it a lot with the family. But I do want to make sure I get this down on "paper" so that I can refer back to it when I'm ready to do the next one. Yes...there will be a next one.

I guess I should start with the day prior. Uneventful really with the exception of going to the park where the race would start and finish. We thought we would check out the lake see where the buoys were and get a feel of the water. Not sure this helped me much. Actually I know it didn't. A storm was headed our way. We were at the edge of a huge wind and rain storm that went right through the Chicago land area. Wisconsin was getting the wind albeit not as strong as Chicago. However do you know what happens when 20-25 mph winds are on the lake? Waves, big ones. I shuttered at the thought that it would be like that tomorrow. Not only in the water but on the bike. Wind can take so much out of you. Much harder than rain or sun. With rain you get wet, big deal. You're already wet from the swim anyway. Gets a bit slippery on the roads but that's about it. The sun is hot. Very hot. But in the water doesn't matter. On the bike you create your own breeze that keeps you cool as long as your drink fluids properly. The run would be hard in the sun, but this particular course is a trail run. About 75% full shade. Dave and my Dad tried to reassure me the storm would pass and tomorrow would be better.

It wasn't. It was exactly the same. As we packed up to leave for the race at around 5 am. I just stared at the flags outside the hotel. They were flapping all over the place. Strong winds coming from the WSW. I was already nervous and shaky. Now my anxiety went up a notch. About a 15 min ride over to the park and people were flowing in pretty quick. Gathered all our gear and headed to transition. Dad and I were right next to each other. Set up and then got body marked and got our timing chip. With plenty of time to just wait a panic attack started to set in. The waves now at about 3-4 feet. The winds weren't going to let up anytime soon. I think back now to why was I in such a panic. I think it was a combination of things. The fear of the unknown. This is a race I had never done. Never attempted this length. Didn't know the course. Didn't know what to expect. All I knew was that I hate wind, hills and waves. I am a good swimmer. Compared to the average Joe I could out swim just about anyone. But when your in a field of elite athletes, athlete's who have done this distance many times and athlete's that are familiar with this particular race you start to feel like you have no business being there. That sense of knowing exactly what to do seems to go out the window. At least for me it did. Tears started to fall. I couldn't breathe. I was shaking. It was awful. The hardest part was knowing that no matter how I felt I was still going to do it. I tried so hard to keep myself calm. Really I did do that. It could of been so much worse if I had just allowed myself to totally lose it. I think back on it now and realize I didn't need to be so afraid. I knew what I had to do. I knew I could fight those waves. Nothing was going to stop me from at least trying. I knew that then and I know it now. I do know that having that panic attack took a lot out of me. I hadn't slept in two days. So I was not as physically prepared as I could of been. That would show up later in the race.

We were wave 3. The first wave after the elites. Not sure that was the smartest thing. But oh well. Even though the lake had horrible waves, it was shallow for about the first 200m. You could walk it. Every athlete walked the beginning. It was faster that being thrown around by the waves. We were headed right into them. Eventually you could walk no longer and this is when I had to make the decision that yes I could do this. Off I went. A whole stroke or two. Stopped tread water, thinking well this is harder than I thought. I had my eye set on the far buoy. If I can just get to that buoy we turn and the waves will be at an angle not directly in front of us. Just get to that buoy. Off I went again. Getting slapped in the face as I breathed. Being pushed back as I was trying to go forward. It was the longest 150m meters I have ever swam. But I made it. Made the turn and quickly realized that this is what I needed. It was still much harder than you r average lake swim but doable. Sighting was next to impossible. As you would look up every few strokes the waves blocked you view of the next buoy, so a few times I had to stop and tread water and wait until I could see it to make sure I was on course. Keeping on course was the hardest part at this point. Passed another two buoys with really no one near me. I pretty much was alone for most of the swim. I was out a lot farther in the water than most of the athletes. Made my last turn towards shore. Now we were with the waves. Kinda like surfing in. Had about another 300m to go. New problem. I couldn't see! The sun was rising behind the beach, shining off the water. I couldn't see a thing in front of me. So I swam and swam hoping I was going the right way. I'd adjust a bit and swim some more. There was a group of swimmers about 50y ahead of me. I tried to keep their bobbing head in front of me. One time I looked up and someone was standing. Yes, getting close. I finally stood about 50m from shore. Walked it in the rest of the way. I was tried. Mentally drained and knew I had to get over that quick and move on to the next phase. After getting out of the water you stepped up onto the grass had my wetsuit stripped and had to walk up a grassy hill to get to transition. I chose not to run like everyone else to keep my heart rate down. Dave tells me I swam that in about 33 mins. Which officially became 35. The fastest I have ever swam in a pool was 43. 35 impossible. I believe the course was short. With the winds I think the buoys weren't right or they actually shorten the course for safety reasons. Maybe swimming with the waves in made up alot of time. Who knows. What I do know it that if I ever have to swim with waves again, I'll be ready. It was like swimming in the ocean.

Onto transition.......I didn't rush. I just did what had to be done. Shirt on, socks on, shoes on, sunscreen on face, Gu in pockets, sunglasses on, helmet on. Off I go.

Mind on Overload

I sit here watching the trees in the backyard. No moment. No wind. That rarely happens. A calm sunny Father's day. The family is still sleeping. I had a rough night, though not as bad as the past few nights. Up before 6, popped the Advil. I sit here thinking about all the feelings I've had in the past 24 hours. From a panic attack to a surreal feeling crossing the finish line. So much going through my head. So much to tell.

I need to load the computer with pictures and I would like to wait for the professional ones to be online before I post any race reports. I plan on doing it in 3 sections. Otherwise I think I would be sitting here for hours typing all that I remember. Detail will be a good thing as I will be able to come back to this and recall how I felt and what I need to work on. As of this morning, I decided I will do this again. Next time it will be an Ironman sanctioned event. My husband asked, really what's the difference? It's the same distance. Well all I can compare it to is running a local marathon or running a big city marathon. There is a huge difference. I want to see that IM logo plastered everywhere. I want to spend money on IM 70.3 apparel and trinkets. I want my metal to say IM 70.3 finisher. Not just triathlon finisher. Yup that's what's next in my future. Not sure if it will be next year or the year after. But I'll get there.

Instead of doing any race reports today I'll take the time to thank everyone who helped me on this 6 month voyage. My husband was wonderful. Always an excellent Sherpa. He deals with my ups and downs. He knows when to offer support and when just to listen and not dare say a thing as I might bite off his head. He supports these crazy adventures I take on. This time around the training was big. It took a lot of my time. I did my best to not let it affect the schedules of my kids and husband. I really think I did a great job doing that. However, I know there were a few occasions that I needed to rely on my husband and he was there ready to take on what ever needed to be done that I just couldn't do. Thank you. Thank you for believing in me when I didn't. Thank you for understanding the stress of training. Thank you for never questioning my decisions when it comes to training and racing. Thank you for telling me never, never, never to give up. Happy Father's Day.

My kids have grown up watching me race for over 5 years now. They have been to almost every race I have ever done. They watch as I train. They listen to my story's. They see me limping and in pain on some days. They ask questions and wonder how you get from point A to point B. They understand when I go to bed before they do. Being an athlete is their definition of me. I am their Mom and an athlete. Not such a bad title! They watch, they learn and they cheer me on every time. Thanks boys!

Would I have taken on this last adventure if I was the only family member who races? Yes, I probably would have. However, over 3 years ago I made the switch from being a Marathoner to a Triathlete. I made that decision during a Thanksgiving dinner when my sister's announced that their college has a sprint triathlon. You should do it. Thought about it for a minute or two and looked at my father. Sure we'll do it. And so it began. I have been able to train, race, commiserate and celebrate all that this sport gives us. I got to do it with my Dad. My definition of him. Father and athlete. Nice. How many people get to say that? At approaching the age of 60 he has done things I'm not sure I'll be able to do. My racing days may be over by then. He was a late bloomer and only started his adventures after watching me run my first marathon. I guess I inspired him. He certainly inspires me. Congratulations Dad. Happy Father's Day.

I have such an amazing support crew. All my family. Everyone who gets up so early to see us race. The long days they put in waiting and watching for us to come around the corner to the finish. The signs, the cow bell, the yelling and cheering. The planning they go through to make sure they can see me racing through out the day. It's great to have such a supportive family. I hope one day that I'll be supporting them in races. As my sister's get older and my kids grow up. I believe someone will get the bug. Who will it be?

So thanks to everyone out there who followed me through this process and sent me their support. It truly makes a difference. Not only do I take on these races for myself, but also to inspire and show people that if I can do it so can you. I am not an elite athlete with raw talent. I have to work very very hard at getting across that line. I am not fast but I get the job done. Getting that job done becomes easier with all the support I do get. Thank you!

Hopefully I'll spend time this next week piecing all my race details together. Hopefully, I will be able to walk right in a few days. Over all I am not as sore as I would of thought. I know why. It's because I didn't run as much of the 13 miles that I hoped. I probably ran a little more than 1/2 of it. Run/walk deal thought out the whole thing. My body is tried, stiff, swollen and my knees are the worst. Stairs are painful. I am now in full recovery mode. There will be no fitness activity with the exception of a walk in my future this week. I may go for a short ride/ swim and run next week depending on how I am recovering. Then I'm off on a much needed and earned cruise! Can't wait.