I'll Be Back

Well, well that three miler gone wrong, there was a reason for that. I found out yesterday why I felt so horrible the last few days.

To make a long story short only because I should be resting not blogging I had to go to the immediate care center not once but twice yesterday. After getting the kids off to school, which was a nightmare, I laid on the couch rocking not knowing what to do with myself. Even inch of my body hurt. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't form complete thoughts. I couldn't do anything. I had called the doctor the day before because I knew something was wrong. I thought that the infection I had been battling was traveling to my kidneys. They couldn't get me in the see the doctor until the following day at 11:15. I took it and hoped for the best. So now I lay on the couch and try and decide if I can wait that long. And honestly as much as I have always liked my doctor He really screwed up when he told me my original urine culture was fine. So off I went to the walk in. After a few hours, blood work and a CT contrast scan I was sent home. Knowing that my kidneys were fine and I may have a virus along with the UTI. Another option I might be having issues with the 3rd antibiotic I am on. However, I don't have a rash to support that theory so since it seems to be tackling the UTI well, unlike the other two meds, the Dr didn't want to change it.

My husband so nicely came home to take care of me. I had lunch and decided I sooooo needed a shower. I was loaded up on Tylenol so I felt like I could move without all the searing pain. To the shower I go. As I am in there I realize OMG I do have a rash. All over the front and back of me. Hundreds of red spots. They didn't itch. I wonder since I've really been out of it for a few days how long have I had this? I call the Dr I saw and he wanted me back in immediately. Of course when you having an allergic reaction breathing is always a concern. My chest a bit tight but nothing really I couldn't handle. Now ask me to run and there would of been no way. He confirmed that yes indeed I was allergic to the medication I had been taking for 6 days now. 6 DAYS. Little by little my body was reacting. Each day I would get worse. So he sent me home to take it easy. Will have the meds out of my system in about 1 1/2 days. IT's been almost 24 hours since I last took it and I can say I feel a thousand times better today. Sure I'm still sore and tired but nothing like yesterday. The Dr gave me my 4th antibiotic for my UTI which was finally starting to go away. He was certain though if I stopped taking any antibiotics it would be back with a vengeance. So another 7 days. He plans on calling me if any changes need to be made when he gets the third culture back.

Needless to say I am not running, swimming, biking or strength training this week. I already got an email from my trainer telling me she wants to talk to me about my chronic over training and immune system. Listen chick....I am not a chronic over trainer. I get plenty of rest between my training programs. And I already know what happens to the immune system when your training hard like for an Ironman or marathon. But it's what I do. I didn't get sick because of over training. I got sick because I got a stupid medicine resistant UTI and an allergic reaction. I don't need or want the lecture. She's working on my nerves. But I have to say she gives a great workout.

So I'm hoping by Sunday I'll get a much better 3 miler in than last Sunday and we'll take it from there. I'll just pretend like this missed training week never happened.

A Three Miler Gone Wrong

It was a pity fest.

It wasn't pretty.

I decided instead of running my little old three miles on the treadmill I would run with my husband outside. I didn't want to run. I didn't want to run outside. It was windy and wet, since it's been raining off and on for the second day in a row now. But I was struggling with the idea of getting it done today. So I thought best to run with him to break up the monotony of running alone all the time.

This in no way is about my husband. He did nothing wrong. He just ran. I on the other hand decided to go fast the first 1/2 mile. Like an interval. How long have I been running? On and off since I was 16. Where the hell was my warm-up? Like I said I didn't want to run today. So fast feet will get the run done quicker, right? Nope. I haven't checked the splits on the garmin but I believe the first mile was at about 8 mins. I got to 1.20 and had to stop. My nose running like crazy. Stupid. So tired of it running when I run. Blew my nose and started up again. Husband walked with me as I got that squared away. But I knew right then that this run would be one of my worst. My leg was aching. My hamstrings pulled so tight from 40lbs. dead lifts on Friday that every step felt shortened. My knees ached last night, why? Not sure. Could be the change in shoes I'm trying, could possibly be my back. My lower back on the sides have been aching when I run the past few times. Could be from a ton of core work that I did which I may not have supported my back right. Or chances are it is from my kidneys. Stupid UTI. So now we are at about 1.80 and I stop again. To blow my nose. AGAIN. I wave my husband on. I wave him again. He hesitates but decides to carry on. Good choice. You finally know when I say get away, you GET AWAY. If he hadn't who know what I would of said.

The pity fest starts. Damn nose, damn shin, damn back. WHY OH WHY CAN'T I RUN WITHOUT PAIN!! I watch my husband in front of me as I start running again. Crap he's doing an out and back. I don't want to run in that development again. I don't want to! But I do. I follow. I suffer. I stop again at about 2.4 miles to what? BLOW MY NOSE. What the hell? Why is it running so much today? Ok let's finish. It was by far the hardest run I have had in years. It was like I never ran before. First thing my husband says is that was fast. His Garmin (which is older and WRONG) said avg. pace was 8:58. Mine was 9:14. Ok so 9:14 isn't bad but the run itself was in no way smooth. Time to step up the pity fest.

I sat on our porch on the cold cement as my legs started to really ache from the top to the bottom. I put the water bottle on my back on both sides to get that area to calm down. I just sat. Stared and thought about Disney. Thought about how I'm tired. Thought about why do I do this? Then the ankle and shin started throbbing. How will I finish Disney if I can't do 3 without pain? It's not fair. This is not fair. Shorts are getting tight. 10 pounds of extra weight will do that to you. I'm miserable. I snip at my husband as he is waiting for me to go inside but doesn't say a thing. Smart man again.

I grab some ice and sit. Wrap the shin and let the tears flow, slowly so no one will notice. I feel them coming on stronger so I head to the bathroom where more flow. Pity fest completed. I get a sense of urgency. A sense of taking charge. I decide that this must stop. I need to get a grip and I need to do whatever I can to lessen the damage to my ego today. So what do I choose to do. Put myself in more pain.

I pulled out the FOAM ROLLER.

Chole was afraid of it.

So am I.

I took a deep breath and rolled my sore left leg. 2 inches down, 1 inch up, 2 inches down, 1 inch up. Over and over again. Now that was pain. I cried like a baby it hurt so bad. Well now maybe these tight IT bands could be an issue, ya think? Tears streaming down my face. My husband cringing at the sight of me. Chole pacing wondering if I was gonna die. I continued on and lasted about 10 mins through both IT bands, hamstrings, and calves. Then I got out my stick and worked the muscles some more. I now feel like I ran a marathon.

I made a promise to myself at the moment. This has got to stop. I need to do everything I can to keep my legs working properly. I will be rolling everyday now for awhile. I will get these 10 pounds off by Jan. I will ice my shin at least once a day. And I will get rid of this UTI that seems to have control over my body and now my mind. I will win this battle.

I have to.

Otherwise you are going to find me curled up in a pity ball on my bed. Quitting.

That is NOT an option.

Is She Worthy?

I find myself questioning my trainer.

This probably isn't a good thing.

She thinks I'm over training. Just because I'm training for the Goofy Challenge doesn't make her statement true. I do a lot less now than I was doing back in April-June.

She sat me down a few weeks ago and went through a day worth of eating I had done. Mind you she picked one day, not the whole 3 weeks I so carefully entered into the online program she has the class using. After that meeting I stopped logging my food. What a pain that is. Anyway, she says I'm not getting enough protein. Really? I had 43g of protein that day. 43 GRAMS! Usually it's a bit more. She does have a degree in nutrition and exercise so you would think she knows what she's talking about. I need more fiber, more protein, less junk, eat a ton more healthy food during the afternoon. She means like 2-3 lunch's. Eat eat eat was basically the gist of it. I do eat eat eat, just not always healthy. Hence the extra 10 pounds I'm carrying since IM training stopped.

I took a questionnaire that she gave to me to do that covers just about everything in your life. My "area of concern" as they so nicely put it was.

1. Stress/sleep
2. Glucose imbalance
3. Nutrient Deficiencies

I think I agree with those. Now pinpointing which exactly I am missing or what exactly my body needs gets a little tricky. There is a special swab and blood test that will tell me without a doubt everything you could want to know about my body. About 30 pages worth. Way more than a normal blood test that you would get with a physical. I'll find out exactly how healthy or not healthy I am. Kinda scary really.

My trainer is encouraging me to get the test done. Might as well as my insurance will cover it. If she can figure out how to get me to sleep well, I would be forever grateful and recommend that she get a raise. If she can figure out why I choose to eat junk every afternoon and better yet how to get me to stop, besides saying just stop. Kudos to her. If she can figure out how to give me more energy to get through the day and to not be so pessimistic than she is my hero.

Right now I question her. I'm watching her. She talks a good talk. But is it all talk? Can she really get my body working like a fine tuned machine. If she can, then I see a full Ironman by the year 2013.

To be a kid again.

I had to put this in my blog. It's too good not to share it. Thank you Tea for making me remember what it's like to love to run!


Swimming, Cycling & Running....with Altitude: When did running become bad?: "When I was a kid, I couldn't sit through dinner without being told 'you can't go back outside until you eat your dinner.' Everyone in the ..."

Run and Roll Duathlon Report

Race day started at 6am. Got up and made the decision that yes I am racing today. I had fumbled back and forth with the idea since I have been dealing with this UTI. Which by the way still hasn't gone away. I had raced this inaugural event last year along with my husband and father. I surely didn't want to miss year number two.

So even though my focus has not been on this race I decided I would do my best and hope for the best. All I could keep playing in my head was how fast this race is. I have never seen people run so fast at the start of a race. This year was no different.

Husband, kids and I were all out the door just before 7. My oldest was volunteering and had to be there by 7:15. It's so nice when you get to race in the town right next door. More sleep, less stress, easy to get to and from and usually you get to see people you know. Dropped the bikes off in our designated area and then of course I got in line for the porta potty. So far this morning I was doing ok but I could feel the change happening. I have the need to go before every race as it is due to nerves and being anxious. With 20 mins to go I was doing the potty dance. I had to go so bad. But of course I really didn't. Lines were too long now and really there was no point because I would just go and then I would still feel like I had to go. So I did my best to ignore it for a very long 20 mins. Finally the gun went off.

Just like last year people took off. Now I know it's only 2 miles, but do they forget that there is a 12 mile bike and another 2 mile run? I heard a girl actually say what I have thought for 2 years now out loud on the course. "Do they not know they have to run again?" But I have to say I know that because everyone is pushing hard it makes me push hard. The first mile I struggled to hold pace and not think about peeing all over. Every step was a jolt. But I know my body well enough that if I push hard enough that those feeling will go away. But I have to be pushing the limits or have been running for at least an hour before that happens. So I pushed my limit. They were a long, quiet, two miles. Quiet as a mouse run. No one was talking. No one was hooting or hollering. No one. All you could here was footstep pounding the pavement and once in awhile some leaves getting crushed. It was very odd. I was running with a group yet sounded like I was all alone. No music no distractions. Just gut out 2 miles and don't stop running through transition.

2 miles 15:44

Sunglasses, helmet, bike and I'm off. I chose not to use bike shoes and changed out my pedals. I think that was the right decision. Otherwise I would have to change shoes twice and I thought it would take more time to do that then I would have saved. If I was an excellent biker I would of went with the bike shoes. As it can save you a ton of time. I'm off on the bike and happy to not have peed on myself yet. Last year I had trouble getting breathing under control after the run. Took about 3-4 miles before I could breathe normally. So I made a point to try and get a grip on that right away. This year was much better. Even though I ran faster I didn't have any trouble with breathing on the bike. A lot of people passed me at first but I let them and just got comfortable in areo position. After about 3 miles I started passing a lot of people. The people I once was with the crappy mountain bike riding their little hearts out. I would cruise by like it was no effort. I know what they were thinking. That's not fair, I need a bike like that. I want to ride like that. Been there thought that. It makes a ton of difference. Though there are those few that passed me on a mountain bike. Most were men in there 20 or 30's that should be faster than me in the first place. There thighs were large, calves bulging. Yup they have the power to do that. I know the route well. It's what I drive on and ride on all the time. SO I settled in got passed and passed about the same amount of people.

Bike time with transition in 45:22

Back into transition...run the bike in do not walk. Drop the bike, helmet, glasses, coat and off I went. The hardest part of any race that includes biking and running is the run right off the bike. It's a feeling that is hard to explain. You feel incredibly slow. Have no concept of how fast you are running unless you have your trusty garmin to tell you. I can be off by about 30-45 seconds in what I think I'm running. The first .50-.75 miles are the hardest. You are switching over from biking legs to running legs. My breathing labored at this point. Wanting to stop and walk. But I heard this woman right behind me for awhile. Drafting off of me. Which always makes me annoyed. So I picked up the pace slightly and dropped her. Then another girl passed me but then slowed down to my pace. For the next mile we were only 3 steps apart. Switching who was in first. I finally said something as we were running shoulder to shoulder. "I don't know about you but I'm ready to be done." She responded with a snotty "What?" I repeated myself and she didn't answer. Maybe she couldn't. Heart rate may have been to high. I realized mine must not be high enough as I could speak a full sentence not once but twice. So I pushed the pace and she kept with me. The last .25 miles she out kicked me. I just didn't have it in me mentally to get her. I held my pace and crossed the line.

Run with transition out from bike 18:13

Total time 1:19:20.1
Last year 1:22:52.9
PR by 3:32

For a short race like this a 3:32 improvment is great. Even better, it got me 3rd in my age group. I got to bring home some bling. That always makes my day. I thought for sure that being in the 34-39 age group would not be a good thing. To much competition. But after looking at everyone results had I been 40 I wouldn't of gotten a metal. Not even close. There are some very very fast 40-44 year olds. About 6 of them. About 10 mins faster than I am. That running a 6 or 7 m/m and biking an avg of 22 mph. I better enjoy my metal now because next year there won't be one!

Are things progressing?

I'm not really sure.

I feel like my head is not in the game. Not into training.

That's not good.

How go I get back into the game?

Focus.


I have a duathlon this weekend. Lucky for me my husband keeps reminding me. Otherwise I would forget to show up. That's how bad my focus is right now. As of today I'm not sure I will even do that race. Let me just say that UTI's are not a friendly training partner or racer. I can't seem to get it under control. I'll probably be back in the doctors office on Friday. Always something.

My shin is back to screaming and aching. I happened to touch the quarter size spot the other day when it was aching. I thought I would jump off the bed. Tears instantly came to my eyes. It hurt so bad. What makes this so sad is that it will never go away. Even when I took 3 months off within 10 days it was back. It's not really shin splints. It's the periostenum that is pulling away from the shin bone. As I run the tendons pull the periostenum away. I have many tears in it and the more I run the worse it gets. There is no blood flow in the periostenum which is why it won't heal. Only thing I can do is try and tape the legs so that the tendons don't pull as hard in that area. I have dealt with this pain for over a year and a 1/2. I wish I could just run pain free once in awhile.

Focus.

Someone go find some for me.

Pain.

Someone take it away.

Who is that someone going to be?

It has to be me.

I'm Not There....I'm Here.

Here is it Tuesday again. On the schedule....a ten miler. Since it's fall I will not be running out the door any time soon. The weather for today should be nice but not warm enough for me until about 11.

After 23 days of workouts I had a rest day on Thursday of last week. I needed it. During Wednesday strength training class I was a mess. I had no energy, no power, no nothing. With Tuesday being my long run day it's going to make Wednesday's class pretty difficult. As the mileage goes up I may need to figure out another plan. But honestly I don't have really any other day that will work out better. I need to be rested and ready for these long runs. So for now I will keep it as is and tweak it as I go.

I spent the weekend in PA visiting my Mom and Grandfather. I haven't been there in over a year. This trip was long overdue. It's always hard to go. Being an only child I feel a responsibility to them. But this year I came back home with a heavy heart and a huge weight on my shoulders. My Grandfather is 94. Last year I would say that he was doing well for 93. Yes he has many issues but pretty good for 93. There was a dramatic change in him this year. I see him dying. I see what was once my most cherished grandfather turning into a dying old man. A man that barely recognizes me and doesn't have the energy to even talk to me very long. He holds a very special place in my heart and I have wonderful memories of him when I was a kid. The man I saw this time was not my grandfather. He is gone. Now we wait for the dying man in the chair to say goodbye. I would be surprised if he lasts another year. Most likely it will have been the last time I got to spend with him.

Then there is my mother, who at 58 has had ailments all her life. Problem after problem. Too many surgeries to count. Always sick, always recovering, always in pain. She is 58. My father is racing at age 60. My mother is 58 and falling apart. Each year I listen to her tell me how bad it is, or how good it is yet still needing a surgery or PT or injections or who knows. Every year I see her and think yes she is going through all that but it's not as bad as she makes out. She seems to be doing just fine when I see her. I always felt that she was over exaggerating. Not this time. I watched her closely. I listened to her. I watched when she thought I wasn't. She is in horrible pain. Hunched over like an 80 year old. Not being to get up the stairs or down without going the speed of a snail one stair at a time. Once she sits it's a giant effort to get back up. Right now she needs both hips replaced and a shoulder repaired and knees fixed. She is 58! What the hell? Why has she had to deal with all these things? With fused bones in her back and a neck that has been repaired and a tumor removed from inside her head. Why does this woman have to deal with all this? It scared me to no end. What is ahead for her if she feels like this now? Will I be taking care of her by the time she is 65? Remember I am an only child on my mothers side. She too is an only child trying her best to take care of herself and her dying 94 year old father. While I'm half way across the country raising my family. Guilt doesn't even come close to the burden I feel right now. My mother is stubborn. A perfectionist. Knows all and is never wrong. It makes her come across as being very very strong. Sometimes overbearing and always critical of things and others. She has many many friends. But she doesn't treat her friends the same way as she treats her family. She expects nothing less than the best from them. She is a difficult woman to handle. Over the years we have had our ups and downs. Within the past 10 years we have finally figured out what works for us. It's probably not your typical mother daughter relationship but it works well. I dread the day that I have to take over. That I will have to tell her that she is no longer in charge. I am. The day that I insist that she move near me so that I can take care of her. I can't even get her to visit once in awhile let alone move here. I dread that day. She will become even more difficult as she ages. Just like her father. It's not going to be pretty. But the fact that I'm really giving this much thought to begin with is terrifying. She should not have to feel like this at her age. There are more surgeries in her near future. By next year she will have a few more new body parts and I can only hope and pray that it will give her the life she deserves. She has paid her dues. Give her a break for awhile.

I returned home Sunday night crying in the car. I cried that night. I cried the next day. I am crying now. I'm here, my Grandfather and Mom are there. It's a horrible feeling. I feel helpless, lost and unreliable. I wish I could be there everyday just leading a hand. I have the time to give yet I can't be there. It's been a very hard week for me.